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    dots Submission Name: Knowing its all medots

    Author: bleeding_sin
    ASL Info:    16/F/OR
    Elite Ratio:    3.03 - 54/68/57
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 599
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 680


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    dotsKnowing its all medots

    Crying is weakness
    Loving is brave
    Helpfulness is pity
    Which should be ashamed

    Trying to hold back the fear
    Of hurting my only dear
    Saying the wrong thing
    Never seemed so tamed

    As the weeks went by
    I finaly cryed
    Feeling weak as can be
    And feeling that I could no longer see

    For all my mistakes have been laid out
    You look at them with no dout
    Of knowing why I said what I said
    I made my own bed

    Now I must lay in it
    And hope I don't die in it
    For the pit of death
    Is like a cold isolated bath

    Submitted on 2007-04-11 19:22:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is the first poem of yours that I have read so, to be honest, I have no comparison. Overall, I think the idea behind it is strong, In that you are suppressing your emotions until you just finally explode.
    I tend to agree with 'itsjustme22' where the parts you have tried to ryhme seem forced, and it is hard for a reader to stay focussed on an otherwise fine write.
    I think if you go over what you have here and improve some of the weaker spots it can turn out to be a really evokative write, I sincerley enjoyed it for what it is.
    well done and keep up the good work.

    | Posted on 2007-04-21 00:00:00 | by seriouscutter19 | [ Reply to This ]
      There are some spelling mistakes in this piece. Just go through and proof read real quick and you'll spot them.
    As for the emotional aspect, this one is emotional just like ur others. It's kinda a repeat to me of all your other poems. Deep emotions, same message. But that is just my thoughts.
    Take Care :)


    | Posted on 2007-04-20 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm. this sounds like a lot of emotion thats repressed. I think that you should take out the attempts to rhyme, because it throws the reader off-rhythm when reading it.
    the only structure that i see in this write is that it has four-line stanzas. was this a free-write?

    if this is how you feel, it sounds like youve got some problems, kid. i hope youre doing alright.
    | Posted on 2007-04-11 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]

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