This is the first poem of yours that I have read so, to be honest, I have no comparison. Overall, I think the idea behind it is strong, In that you are suppressing your emotions until you just finally explode.
I tend to agree with 'itsjustme22' where the parts you have tried to ryhme seem forced, and it is hard for a reader to stay focussed on an otherwise fine write.
I think if you go over what you have here and improve some of the weaker spots it can turn out to be a really evokative write, I sincerley enjoyed it for what it is.
well done and keep up the good work.
There are some spelling mistakes in this piece. Just go through and proof read real quick and you'll spot them.
As for the emotional aspect, this one is emotional just like ur others. It's kinda a repeat to me of all your other poems. Deep emotions, same message. But that is just my thoughts.
Take Care :)
hmm. this sounds like a lot of emotion thats repressed. I think that you should take out the attempts to rhyme, because it throws the reader off-rhythm when reading it.
the only structure that i see in this write is that it has four-line stanzas. was this a free-write?
if this is how you feel, it sounds like youve got some problems, kid. i hope youre doing alright.