I hold a red box in my hand
inside it, is a bracelet
the one I gave to you on Mother's day
this bracelet has many hearts of silver
so Beatiful, that when I put them into the sunlight
they shine brightly
but those hearts hold too mnay memories
I can remember clearly how this bracelet looked on your wrist
how you wore it only on special occasions
and promised me you'd never lose it
I was only worth twenty dollars in money
but in love, it was worth more then words could ever say
and you got the message
I reach into the box, and drape it onto my wrist
I cry as I clip the ends together
then I smile a little as I think of what it meant to you
A while later, I head off to school
those silver hearts sting my own heart as I glance at them in class
no one notices the tears that have formed in my eyes
to other's, it's simply a peice of jewelry
and it is, but it's also so much more
they will never know the courage it took me to put that bracelet on,
how many tears I cried before doing so,
and how drastically my life has changed by doing just that one task
I wouldn't call it moving on in my life without you
but it's certainly a head start in the right direction
the key is to keep your memory alive
not in some box
pretending it never existed
| this makes me cry for a million reasons.|
before i share those million reasons i want to tell you how proud i am of you for writing this. im sure it was a very stretching piece for you to write because of the subject matter but also because its so different from anything of yours i have read before and it almost feels like you took on board some of the things i said in my last comment to you and that is really huge of you... it shows that not only are you wanting to honour your mothers life but you are also wanting to grow in your writing which is awesome and im sure she would be proud of such a beautiful tribute/piece.
as i said... this piece makes me cry for a million reasons.
i cry for your loss.
i cry my own.
its coming up 3 years since my boyfriend ended his life. im almost a whole nother person now but tonight it all seems so fresh and raw.
i cry for the beauty of the treasures you have in this piece and the fact that such everyday objects can take on such different meanings after life has had its way and left us broken.
you have sharpened your use of imagery here brilliantly piper.
i know EXACTLY what you are talking about and its almost like i can see those lil hearts and taste the tears and feel the hurt/struggle for you to put the braclet on. you have made yourself so clear in this piece.
youve got a few typos in here but nothing too major.
you should be really proud of yourself for this piece and for the maturity you show in writing it.
good luck doll.
|| Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ] || I've read some of your other poetry before Piper, and this one is different. It's simply stated, but it's also riveting at the same time. I guess it's the details like this bracelet which makes it reverberate, this symbol that connotes many things to you the writer, and us the readers... |
Yes, this one can be pictured... and I like poems like that.
Also, this one is very free with how the lines are placed--winding with longing and pure in heart.
You have a few typos but a quick run through a spellchecker would solve that. Just had to bring it up... you know, just 'cos lol.
|| Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ] |
A very powerful and moving story. It's funny how one piece of jewlery can indeed hold so many memories and feelings. To nitpick on the anal details "beautiful" and "many". Try using some puncuation. That's it on that count. This piece was able to tell your story in a way that was still very poetic, and that's a very difficult to do, usually things sound too conversational or too poetic. But this is a healthy balance of the two. It's a simple memoir that was obviously created through love and loss. Kudos on the write, and I'm sorry for your loss.
|| Posted on 2007-04-11 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ] |