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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hearts of Memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PiperH
    ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253/299/172
    Words: 265
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1364
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1551



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHearts of Memoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I hold a red box in my hand
    inside it, is a bracelet
    the one I gave to you on Mother's day

    this bracelet has many hearts of silver
    so Beatiful, that when I put them into the sunlight
    they shine brightly

    but those hearts hold too mnay memories
    I can remember clearly how this bracelet looked on your wrist
    how you wore it only on special occasions
    and promised me you'd never lose it

    I was only worth twenty dollars in money
    but in love, it was worth more then words could ever say
    and you got the message

    I reach into the box, and drape it onto my wrist
    I cry as I clip the ends together
    then I smile a little as I think of what it meant to you

    A while later, I head off to school
    those silver hearts sting my own heart as I glance at them in class
    no one notices the tears that have formed in my eyes

    to other's, it's simply a peice of jewelry
    and it is, but it's also so much more
    they will never know the courage it took me to put that bracelet on,
    how many tears I cried before doing so,
    and how drastically my life has changed by doing just that one task

    I wouldn't call it moving on in my life without you
    but it's certainly a head start in the right direction

    the key is to keep your memory alive
    not in some box
    pretending it never existed




    Submitted on 2007-04-11 19:48:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this makes me cry for a million reasons.
    before i share those million reasons i want to tell you how proud i am of you for writing this. im sure it was a very stretching piece for you to write because of the subject matter but also because its so different from anything of yours i have read before and it almost feels like you took on board some of the things i said in my last comment to you and that is really huge of you... it shows that not only are you wanting to honour your mothers life but you are also wanting to grow in your writing which is awesome and im sure she would be proud of such a beautiful tribute/piece.

    as i said... this piece makes me cry for a million reasons.
    i cry for your loss.
    i cry my own.
    its coming up 3 years since my boyfriend ended his life. im almost a whole nother person now but tonight it all seems so fresh and raw.
    i cry for the beauty of the treasures you have in this piece and the fact that such everyday objects can take on such different meanings after life has had its way and left us broken.

    you have sharpened your use of imagery here brilliantly piper.
    i know EXACTLY what you are talking about and its almost like i can see those lil hearts and taste the tears and feel the hurt/struggle for you to put the braclet on. you have made yourself so clear in this piece.

    youve got a few typos in here but nothing too major.
    you should be really proud of yourself for this piece and for the maturity you show in writing it.
    good luck doll.
    | Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I've read some of your other poetry before Piper, and this one is different. It's simply stated, but it's also riveting at the same time. I guess it's the details like this bracelet which makes it reverberate, this symbol that connotes many things to you the writer, and us the readers...

    Yes, this one can be pictured... and I like poems like that.

    Also, this one is very free with how the lines are placed--winding with longing and pure in heart.

    You have a few typos but a quick run through a spellchecker would solve that. Just had to bring it up... you know, just 'cos lol.

    Nicely done.

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      
    A very powerful and moving story. It's funny how one piece of jewlery can indeed hold so many memories and feelings. To nitpick on the anal details "beautiful" and "many". Try using some puncuation. That's it on that count. This piece was able to tell your story in a way that was still very poetic, and that's a very difficult to do, usually things sound too conversational or too poetic. But this is a healthy balance of the two. It's a simple memoir that was obviously created through love and loss. Kudos on the write, and I'm sorry for your loss.

    -Sandi
    | Posted on 2007-04-11 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]


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