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    dots Submission Name: Sparrowdots

    Author: crimson echo
    ASL Info:    21 M U.S. of A
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 412/150/55
    Words: 208
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 980
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 907

       This is what happens when I spend an hour going over Edgar Allan Poe's rhythm/rhyme schemes.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.



    A hundred-thousand miles have passed,
    upon them all the years
    that come along for travel's last
    and solid build her fears.
    To carry on along these roads:
    consider that as lost.
    Forgive me if, beneath this load,
    I cannot tell the cost.

    Lift up the cry of hallowed fools
    and make the wise inane:
    for all you say, that men are tools,
    you shan't make me the same.
    Forget! she cries
    (poor wandering bird)
    and leave behind these pains!
    For broken wings
    to reach these skies!
    Come back to me again!

    But falling on the concrete air,
    my ears forever deaf:
    The toll is life: I've paid the fare
    now let this spectre rest.

    Submitted on 2007-04-12 07:22:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      nice work! i enjoyed that poem...it has meaning...keep writing dude!


    oh by the way, you may want to check out a few of my poems....just a suggestion...
    | Posted on 2008-04-22 00:00:00 | by Kornfreakinabox | [ Reply to This ]
      *sigh* I should comment.
    I'll be blunt, i wandered onto your page and found something to read.
    And I'll be honest, i intend to "fav" it because I enjoy it.
    I'm not really sure what it means, all I picture is a bird with a burden...she...whoever she is, must be very...resilient. Anyway...
    My only issue is the last two rhymes, 'deaf and rest.'
    The last two rhymes should theoretically be the strongest... that's all.
    | Posted on 2008-03-04 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]
      thank you so much for writing this, with such an old fashion way that i really needed to read right now.
    it's been taking some work for writing to impress me right now and you did a beautiful job at doing exactly that in this piece.
    i love that word.
    birds can represent so many different things and we need more of that so people can open up to it and think of it in so many different ways.

    Forget! she cries
    (poor wandering bird)
    and leave behind these pains!
    For broken wings
    to reach these skies!
    Come back to me again!

    Great work.

    | Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      Some words didn't rhyme completely, but it somehow didn't matter that much when I read it as a whole.

    I love these lines: But falling on the concrete air/my ears forever deaf. There's something about the phrase 'concrete air' which is charming.

    Uhhh, about reading and not commenting, I'm guilty as charged. Often, it's not that I don't want to comment, it's that I don't know HOW to comment. Or what to comment about.
    | Posted on 2007-04-21 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      Not sure how the title fits with the poem but it is a fav. Wonderful work!
    | Posted on 2007-04-17 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Urgh. Though I would normally enjoy reading your writes and I especially love Edgar Allan Poe, I don't think you should have copied the rhythm and/or rhyme scheme. Although you're allowed word choices different from the original, it's somehow...just not you. Which is probably why I didn't really enjoy it as much as the other two below me.
    Cheers always
    | Posted on 2007-04-13 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      I found this piece to be one that draws the reader in and leads them through a peek into the writer's mind, if only for a brief moment. It was a pleasant if not unsettling trip for this reader and that is what makes taking the time to read and ponder so worthwhile.
    | Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again wow! I have never had the ability to copy a style, but I don't have an hou to read and study each style either. It sopke out to me as a Poe poem, very good.

    | Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      If you're going to take the time to read it, COMMENT! I am sick of you people skimming through something then going on about your business. After all, you want comments on your stuff, right? NEVER READ unless you intend to COMMENT.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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