[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Reborn from the depths of the Gravedots

    Author: Draigon
    ASL Info:    25/m/Al
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 164/196/91
    Words: 275
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 858
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1934

       Spur of the moment poem. It took me about 15 minutes to write this one, and I wrote it straight from my mind.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReborn from the depths of the Gravedots

    and the light is shining.
    Upon her beautiful form,
    black roses forewarn,
    of what's going to happen.
    The mood starts to dampen.

    Let the sorrow sing,
    and let fall the ring,
    that bound her,
    happiness will not concur,
    with this situation.
    There will be no elation,
    and no celebration.

    The cremony begins,
    and ends,
    with lamenting cries.
    All hope dies,
    for this young female,
    and awaiting is Hell.
    Ready to capture her being,
    as the light is fleeing,
    from her eyes.
    Speaking no lies,
    only truths of sadness,
    suffering from her former gladness.

    No hope will bloom,
    Just hallow and shrouded with gloom,
    is her heart.
    which is being torn apart,
    by grief and pain.
    She is becoming insane.

    "No night light for you,
    we killed the place were it grew"
    the voices scream.
    Torn apart from the seam,
    she falls helpless into an abyss,
    surrounded by painful bliss.

    As she floats in the night,
    she begins to think of light,
    and how she used to be bathed in it.
    Now plunging into shit,
    that she will never return from.
    her temples begin to drum,
    from the strain,
    and from her heart being slain.
    Finally she realizes what she must do,
    so she begins her fight anew.

    She releases the dead,
    and slowly awakes in her own bed.
    Relief clouds her face,
    as she feels her sheets of satin and lace.
    Finally free from the horrible abode,
    a new heart has been sewed,
    now beating warmly inside her chest,
    and against her breast.
    Now alive once again,
    she falls back to sleep with a grin.

    Submitted on 2007-04-13 13:05:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "As she floats in the night,
    she begins to think of light,
    and how she used to be bathed in it.
    Now plunging into [censored],"

    I loved this poem, but I felt that because of the use of the word "[censored]", you sort of degraded it a little. You sort of lowered it's standards, because the words you were using were so amazing and poignant, and then it sort of just stopped. As for the poem itself, it seems like someone has cold feet. She's so afraid of getting married, and maybe she isn't ready, maybe that's what the dream is trying to tell her by scaring her. She feels as if it's going to be hell, and she's going to lose all happiness she ever had and fall into an endless abyss, but she wakes up and knows it isn't r ealy. I really love this, but I would really change the sh1t part, only because it sort of dents a hole in the poem, because otherwise it would be really amazing. Another thing is that you spelled "ceremony" wrong, and I think by the world "hallow", you mean "hollow", unless you do mean hallow, and my vocabulary is just limited. A really great job.
    | Posted on 2007-04-13 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]