silence by vohomegirl

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Submission Name: silence dots

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Author:	vohomegirl
ASL Info:	28 and at the gate...
Elite Ratio:	6.83 - 314/191/78
Words:	79

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	165
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	483

Description:

silence

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do not speak of night's
shifting shadow, the terror it brings
nor the beast you’ve seen
who blurs your sight

never speak of shards of lightning
against the backdrop of jagged mountain peaks
shattered skulls or thunder’s thirst
for human souls

overlook the looming
grey clouds who shed not a drop

not one

to rinse the street
soaked in fuel and blood.

Submitted on 2007-04-13 13:52:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This reads like the recurring nightmare of a combat soldier! Brilliant work, lovely lady! In a few short lines you have aptly conveyed terror, anguish, grief, and sadness!
| Posted on 2008-11-21 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  very powerfull piece... it is simple yet the way you put your words together, or rather hammer them together into a smooth surface of a future blade, conjures up ... no forces... drags me into the image, which becomes a world, you creatied.

from the three stazas i heard three emotions -

rage roaring from every line

- shattered skulls or thunder’s thirst
for human souls.-

desperation enough to tear your heart and throat apart in its extremity

-not a drop
not one -

and what is more surprising - hope. timid, ailing, fainting,,,,,, yet bold and daring and self- sufficient - trumpeting its away along the' streets
soaked in fuel and blood'

applause.

| Posted on 2007-07-16 00:00:00 | by expiring_touch | [ Reply to This ]
  dark but true
I have a good friend who is fighting in Iraq right now
He sends pictures sometimes and they are just just as dark as this piece
Turned over trucks
children with guns
cows in a field littered with debris

reading this makes me feel like you're almost used to the terror and bloodshed
| Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by digitalflower | [ Reply to This ]
  do not speak of the shadows of night,
the terrors they bring
or the beast you’ve seen who blurs your sight.
never speak of shards of lightning
against the backdrop of jagged mountain peaks,
shattered skulls or thunder’s thirst
for human souls.

overlook the looming grey clouds (that) shed
not a drop

not one

to rinse the street
soaked in fuel and blood

Don't speak of death or it may find you? Or at least, that's the impression I'm left with this stark imagery of power and destruction lurking around every turn in the road. And apparently waiting to pounce from the sky as well. Or is silence the respite from war, when not speaking of the suffering keeps the turmoil at a manageable distance?

In either case, this was very well written.
Bill.
| Posted on 2007-04-13 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really dark. I sort of felt like this was a farmer's plea. A farmer who lives in the city, and he is hoping for the rain to come to wash away misfortune. This was dark, but it was a good use of imagery, at least for me, because I felt like I was sort of watching the jagged mountaintops pierce the sky, and then the lightnng penetration in between the drops. I found this was a great use of imagery. One thing through, I think there needs to be a period at the end of your last stanza, unless it's supposed to be that way. I don't know, haha. Good job.
Blessings
| Posted on 2007-04-13 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
  Dark and stark and very well done...some fine use of rhyme here as well...I enjoyed this poem a great deal ... (suggestion: in the line that reads, "overlook the looming grey clouds who shed"... I think I might replace "who" with "that" as you are referring to the clouds ... only a suggestion. The poem is excellent as it stands.) bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... Michael
| Posted on 2007-04-13 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]

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