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    dots Submission Name: The Silver Pindots

    Author: Algol46
    ASL Info:    200/m/East of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 1111/1235/613
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 748
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1198


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Silver Pindots

    My little lover is the twin
    Of angels soaring in the skies,
    And in her huge and steel-grey eyes
    Brims all the love of Lillian.

    I watch her barefoot in the halls,
    Twirl thin fingers in the air,
    Brush back her long and yellow hair
    Till like a cloak of gold it falls.

    She wears two rings of polished tin,
    Her nut-brown throat by sunlight kissed,
    Sports three pink torques of amethyst,
    This pleases my fey Lillian.

    And through her soft silk slits her thighs
    Peek out when gentle breezes swirl,
    A Siren is my laughing girl,
    Though, sometimes, she is full of sighs.

    Her voice is like some violin,
    Made from a wood not of this Earth,
    Her smile is full of guileless mirth,
    This is my lovely Lillian.

    On her bare hips a golden chain
    Was by a master goldsmith knit,
    Like gossamer so delicate,
    She wears her pretty chatelaine.

    And now with one long silver pin
    She gently sweeps up all her hair,
    And with that pin she holds it there,
    Then goes to sleep, my Lillian.

    Submitted on 2007-04-14 12:26:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Thank you for your comment on The mirror, your insight is much appreciated. I love comment's and when those comment's are good it makes me estatic! : )

    Thanks again,
    | Posted on 2007-05-15 00:00:00 | by aNNmARIE | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so beautiful! You described this woman so well that I could almost see her, here her violinist voice. It was beautiful! You did an excellent job at capturing the reader's attention!

    | Posted on 2007-05-15 00:00:00 | by aNNmARIE | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah! A kindred! Once upon a time, I wrote pieces with the same stylings and flavor, but then I lost the magic and moved on to more edgy and rough stuff that even I don't like much. This was a gift to me personally- it inspires me to get back to my roots, for I had forgotten how beautiful alliteration and stylized pentameter really is.

    On to the piece in specifics- masterfully done. It is apparent and obvious you are well practiced at victorian and pentameter- timeless rhyme styles. This reminds me of wordsworth- the ABBA is a kin to some of his better works, IMO. The meter and imagery were just fantastic, and the "Lillian" central idea also fell in fantastically. Such a beautiful name to begin with. Your closer was my favorite part- neatly tied a little bow on the package. Quite close to perfect, this piece.
    | Posted on 2007-04-14 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      A galant poem with an 'aristocratic' touch - and it flows like the 'view of a psychopat'. Reminds me somehow of the atmosphere in E.A. Poes poems. :-?? ... I would not categorize 'this' as 'love-poem' ... sound to 'psycho' for me... but - it's just a subjective view...
    | Posted on 2007-04-14 00:00:00 | by Non-Sens-Uality | [ Reply to This ]

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