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    dots Submission Name: monologuedots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 240
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 566
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1958

       Just another attempt at a screenplay.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Did you ever feel...I don't know, non-essential? Not worthless but...uncultivated, unfulfilled?

    Sometimes. Why?

    I think I need to die.I think the husk I've become needs to be stripped to its green shoot. I'm sounding delerious, I know, but I'd love to be innocent again, a sapling's son...

    Yeah, you do sound philosophic, like a B-movie slasher before he does the deed.

    I'm evil.


    I'm evil. I've wasted my potential.

    Ok, in what way?

    I've lost the urge to live well.

    You're tired. Or depressed. Caught between worlds between jobs between loves. There's nothing to draw you outside yourself.

    I'm not a pioneer.

    My God, who is? What worlds are really left to conquer? How can anything be undiscovered twice?

    I've done the same thing too long, haven't I? I've mastered passion till it hissed on ice. I've castrated my adventures for a damn job. I've learned to worry and forgot to fight.

    Time to explore other venues, then. Be the first to discover something pure you've never thought of doing.

    My blood's been tingling far too often to wonder why I never smile.

    Too much stress.

    Too much worrying after death.

    Ok, now I'm tired.

    We both are.


    Submitted on 2007-04-14 16:34:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow this is great!! usually your poems have a shield of metaphors, and fancy verbiage... but this is so direct and unadorned! I love it!!!
    I understand where you're coming from, but then, I'm deliriously happy with life right now so I can't say I agree.
    I really like this line though:
    "I've mastered passion till it hissed on ice."
    I just like the sound of it, and I think it really reflects the whole 'message' of the poem-- that if you're an expert at life, you know all the formulas for satisfaction, you have a steady job, etc... that passion stops being passion, and it starts being a sort of grinning spectre, and you think, "god I need something new!!"
    well, anyway, this is an interesting write, and although an inner dialogue isn't exactly the newest thing in the book, well,
    as you say in your poem:
    nothing's new!
    you just have to take old things and wrap them in pretty words and honest feelings, until they're hardly recognizable. which is what I feel you've done quite well here (and in the rest of your poems!)
    well anyway thanks for an interesting read! sorry if what I wrote is incoherent!
    | Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]
      One thing I love about this piece is that it's an entire conversation in a monologue, something that is, technically, impossible.

    "Yeah, you do sound philosophic, like a B-movie slasher before he does the deed."

    I really like that line, because it's takes away the "goodgodmangetoveryourself" kind of feel to the poem. It makes it cynical.

    I like you, and am going to go comment more...
    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by Waywarddaughter | [ Reply to This ]
      im kinda with icky on this.
    it makes me think of an interraction between the cutters of this site and those who are more creative with their writing.
    kinda like a gentle pushing in the right direction... like a "hey its great you are writing but maybe you could try this... or look at life a lil differently..." i dunno...

    monologues always interest me.
    it would seem i have an internal monologue rambling away every given moment of the day/night. im not kidding. im the real life ally macbeal lol.
    anyways...i read this and i am not sure how to see it...? if it were to be acted on a stage infront of a live audience how would you use lighting and stage positioning to make it clear as to who/what voice is speaking...? have you thought that through?
    perhaps if you were to make that clear somehow in the description so that as the reader could read it they could perhaps picture it in their mind and therefore making it more clear as they read it...? i dunno...

    but keep it up.
    while i am forever fascinated by monologues i dont think i have ever tried to write one.
    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, so it's a monologue, meaning that this ain't two characters but rather the internal debate of someone seemingly on the verge of a breakdown. Exhausted both by life and their own doubts and thoughts. I suppose also in the context of this site it could almost be a satire of ES, with the emo voice tiring out the more optimistically, and poetically, inclined writers. But that may only occur to me as I've just been reading through the latest submissions...

    "My bloods been tingling" - shouldn't there be an apostrophe?

    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      Get out of my head! I can't count the times I have felt this way. I'm frustrated by my lack of ambition and my "Goalessness". I don't believe in original thought anymore, too many brains before mine. Anyway, obviously I felt a connection to these words, and there are some great poetic phrases in this one. Thanks, Matt
    | Posted on 2007-04-14 00:00:00 | by devoted_dozer | [ Reply to This ]

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