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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Actingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: UnderlinedInRed
    ASL Info:    18/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 196/262/123
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 598
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 933



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsActingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    These days...
    I dont speak.
    I dont write.
    I am devoid of all emotion.
    But still putting up a fight.

    People are dying all around me,
    People are falling and screaming.
    Wailing in agony.
    But I stand tall.
    And wait for someone to ask for my help.

    Suicide...becoming more and more clear to me.
    More and more common.
    Every week I hear something more.
    I would never, how could they?
    Hurt their friends like that.

    It isn't about you anymore.
    It isn't about any of us.
    Lets focus on something else, a distraction.
    Lets remind ourselves,
    That this play is still worth acting.
    Its a mask, we are forced to wear.
    So we can pretend we are free,
    Careless, and unaware of all the problems that we face,
    Everyday.




    Submitted on 2007-04-15 08:28:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Warning: I'm going to be slightly critical here, but hopefully in a way that is constructive and helpful. Feel free to ignore it if you think I'm being all arsey or missing the point of the poem etc.

    Okay, using the idea of "acting" as a comment about life is a pretty old one, so what's important is trying to say something interesting with that metaphor that isn't cliché.

    Its a mask, we are forced to wear.
    So we can pretend we are free,


    This seems to me to be the main idea; people act because reality is too hurtful to bear. It's a good starting point, but I would like to see you expand it, make it more personal. Try to make it less a general statement, but one linked to you that the reader can then fit to their own circumstances and experience.

    Perhaps try and give examples of the acting - with all the death and suicide mentioned you could describe the way people mask their fears and loss, overcompensate for things, try and escape themselves and their mortality. Maybe if people are actors than certain people are doomed by the script that society creates with its expectations and norms?

    So yeah, I think you could realy improve this poem by either exploring the idea further, or by making it more personal and detailed, some characters and humanity the reader can relate to, rather than simply stating a link between the harshness of life and acting.

    But that's only an opinion.
    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]


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