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    dots Submission Name: Cold Blue Eyesdots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 936
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 355

       This is another type of Cold War.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCold Blue Eyesdots

    The look upon your face
    makes me wish for instantaneous death,
    for your eyes are the cold blue
    of a Russian spy from an old movie.
    They accuse me, scold me,
    for nothing other than being me,
    so I fire all of my missiles
    with a gaze sharper than an icepick
    and hack away at your permafrost.

    Submitted on 2004-06-12 04:59:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is better this way, but now you don't need to fire all your missles, you've got that hell cat to turn loose on him! Nice pic.
    | Posted on 2004-06-15 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      YES, yes, permafrost is GOOOOD. it works, and well... "missiles" is mispelled, but other than that,
    it's fine now. Just fine...
    | Posted on 2004-06-15 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      I know what you mean here, eyes like chips of ice, so cold and hard...
    I agree with Sandburg, how about chipping away at a glacier with an icepick? or something along those lines, the double icy doesn't work for me...
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      for a minute, this had me confused because when you said old movie in the description, the image that came to my mind was a black and white movie

    overall, i like how this poem turns fear to action. totally unexpected and very neat!
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm studying to get better. I chaecked out Plath, and she is easily already one of my favorite poets. I bought a huge volume to feed my mind. It's easy to see her influence on your style. This poem is darn good.
    | Posted on 2004-06-13 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      i like from an old movie... i think you should keep it. i really like this poem though remind me to stay clear of you when you have an ice pick... hehe... but this is awesome... i love the eyes... i can see them and their accusations of me being me... awesome write!
    | Posted on 2004-06-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this but the sharp gaze kinda confused me a bit on the imagery choice...the blast of heat from a smile or such seems a bit more logical...to thaw the feelings.
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      i could feel that cold blue stare... brrr..! my only suggestion would be to drop the second "eyes" at the end of the third line:

    For your eyes are the cold blue
    Of a Russian spy from an old movie...

    i'd hate to be on the other side of that icepick you're weilding! very well-written!
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I think from an old movie stays. At the end the icepick/iciness. I don't know. How about using frost in the last line. An additional metaphor for the temperature of the relationship. And I like the sound of the word frost, the assonance of the o.
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really interesting. i liked this a lot. The images it put into my breain were really good. It was nicely written.
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful..cuddle...i loved it..the first three lines are defently my favorite...

    just wanted to say i enjoyed

    smiles ange...
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece has awesome imagery...
    "With a gaze sharper than an icepick
    And hack away at your iciness"
    I love these lines. The thing that didn't work for me was, "Eyes of a Russian spy from an old movie"
    I understand the idea, but I just envisioned a guy in a trenchcoat and hat. That is just my opinion, but I related to this piece, well written, great imagery. Nice job!
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by Belle De Jour | [ Reply to This ]
      nicely written, I especially like the lines:

    For your eyes are the cold blue
    Eyes of a Russian spy from an old movie

    I thought that painted a really neat picture.
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]

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