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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cold Blue Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 868
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 355



    Description:
       This is another type of Cold War.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCold Blue Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The look upon your face
    makes me wish for instantaneous death,
    for your eyes are the cold blue
    of a Russian spy from an old movie.
    They accuse me, scold me,
    for nothing other than being me,
    so I fire all of my missiles
    with a gaze sharper than an icepick
    and hack away at your permafrost.




    Submitted on 2004-06-12 04:59:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is better this way, but now you don't need to fire all your missles, you've got that hell cat to turn loose on him! Nice pic.
    | Posted on 2004-06-15 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      YES, yes, permafrost is GOOOOD. it works, and well... "missiles" is mispelled, but other than that,
    it's fine now. Just fine...
    | Posted on 2004-06-15 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      I know what you mean here, eyes like chips of ice, so cold and hard...
    I agree with Sandburg, how about chipping away at a glacier with an icepick? or something along those lines, the double icy doesn't work for me...
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      for a minute, this had me confused because when you said old movie in the description, the image that came to my mind was a black and white movie

    overall, i like how this poem turns fear to action. totally unexpected and very neat!
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm studying to get better. I chaecked out Plath, and she is easily already one of my favorite poets. I bought a huge volume to feed my mind. It's easy to see her influence on your style. This poem is darn good.
    | Posted on 2004-06-13 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      i like from an old movie... i think you should keep it. i really like this poem though remind me to stay clear of you when you have an ice pick... hehe... but this is awesome... i love the eyes... i can see them and their accusations of me being me... awesome write!
    | Posted on 2004-06-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this but the sharp gaze kinda confused me a bit on the imagery choice...the blast of heat from a smile or such seems a bit more logical...to thaw the feelings.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      i could feel that cold blue stare... brrr..! my only suggestion would be to drop the second "eyes" at the end of the third line:

    For your eyes are the cold blue
    Of a Russian spy from an old movie...

    i'd hate to be on the other side of that icepick you're weilding! very well-written!
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I think from an old movie stays. At the end the icepick/iciness. I don't know. How about using frost in the last line. An additional metaphor for the temperature of the relationship. And I like the sound of the word frost, the assonance of the o.
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really interesting. i liked this a lot. The images it put into my breain were really good. It was nicely written.
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful..cuddle...i loved it..the first three lines are defently my favorite...

    just wanted to say i enjoyed

    smiles ange...
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece has awesome imagery...
    "With a gaze sharper than an icepick
    And hack away at your iciness"
    I love these lines. The thing that didn't work for me was, "Eyes of a Russian spy from an old movie"
    I understand the idea, but I just envisioned a guy in a trenchcoat and hat. That is just my opinion, but I related to this piece, well written, great imagery. Nice job!
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by Belle De Jour | [ Reply to This ]
      nicely written, I especially like the lines:

    For your eyes are the cold blue
    Eyes of a Russian spy from an old movie

    I thought that painted a really neat picture.
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]


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