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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What is a moment?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Nirvana
    ASL Info:    13/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 138/204/63
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 919
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 913



    Description:
       i cant remember if i posted this before. oh well.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat is a moment?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    What is a moment
    Lost in forever...
    If it is lost, then it might
    Have been never
    Is a lifetime a moment
    Beside something like always?
    What happens when that moment is gone
    Was that life insignificant?
    Will anyone remember those days?
    So if a life is lost in eternity
    Then maybe that life never was
    And if it isn't now, it might never be
    And that means it won't happen in forever
    But because it is lost, it really was never
    But never and forever are opposite things
    So how can a moment be both of them
    When it's so small?
    There is only one to which it can cling...
    There is only one answer to such a mysterious riddle
    One way to understand such a vast game
    If a moment's too small to be both of them
    Then forever and never must be one and the same




    Submitted on 2007-04-15 17:25:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is really interesting. I don't know if you do, but I find the idea of forever and never being the same comforting, even liberating, because if time is infinite and all this eventually forgotton then it doesn't really matter if you do something embarrassing, or say something silly; it's the fountain of all my confidence.

    I agree with UnderINK that the middle isn't as clear as the rest, especially these lines:

    And that means it won't happen in forever
    But because it is lost, it really was never
    But never and forever are opposite things
    So how can a moment be both of them
    When it's so small?


    I'm not exactly sure how you reach the conclusion that a moment is both forever and never. I mean, you've explained why never, but not why forever, as far as I can work out. In fact you say "And that means it won't happen in forever" which to me implies that a moment isn't the same thing as forever. It just seems confusing.

    Was that life insignificant?
    Will anyone remember those days?


    The phrase "that life" and "those days" and good because they suggest actual people and days and making the poem a little less abstract. However, I think you could take this effect further and base the questions on specific things. For example, and this is going to sound silly, "Will anyone remember ice-cream?" It's just a random example, but I think such a technique in this poem would serve as an interesting counterpoint to the abstract philisophical explanation and, from a personal perspective, I always like the juxtaposition of the deep with the trivial. But yeah, that's just a thought, feel free to ignore it.

    Well, it was certainly a poem that puts things in perspective. Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      It was really rough in some of the parts. In the beginning and the end you rhymed really well, but in the middle you kind of lost that rhythm a great deal and it simply became too much of a tongue twister to read out loud or quietly to myself (I read it to my boyfriend). If you smoothed out the middle a little better, I could probably add it to my favorites. It's really neat the way you used always, never, forever, the way you did; I was telling my boyfriend it sounded like our best friend in school who, when I asked quite obscurely, 'Shawn, are you?' he would reply, 'Indeed I am, but perhaps I am not. If I am not, then maybe I never was. Does that mean I might not exist? But all things have potential to exist, so perhaps if I don't exist now, I may exist later. . .'

    Or something equally philosophical; I always provoked it out of him on purpose. We had a laugh with this one because it reminded us of that, but it's neat in its own right. I hope you smooth it over a bit, I really like it.
    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ]


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