Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: White Walls...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 481
    Average Vote:    4.6667
    Bytes: 901



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhite Walls...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    White walls,
    Dented with hatred,
    Smothered,
    With no color-,
    Painted pure,
    To begin with,
    But later tainted,
    To other-,

    With Impurities,
    So twisted,
    Fear floods the floors,
    Rapidly-,
    And Honor,
    Under this roof,
    Drags me down,
    Distractedly-,

    Downwardly,
    I see nothing,
    And I struggle,
    With no air-,
    Iím left,
    In a bubble,
    Of pain, trouble,
    And disrepair-,

    So I lay there,
    And I stare ate these,
    White walls,
    Distractedly-,
    And study the sight,
    Of reality,
    Back-hand,
    Smacking me-,


    Because these were,
    Untainted,
    Pure painted,
    Before it all-,
    Now they are,
    Dented with hatred,
    Smothered,
    ...




    Submitted on 2007-04-16 09:13:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it dose give the impression of a institution (?) but not nessicarily a hospital. so real like it has happened to other people not just me......

    great wright


    Stormkrow
    | Posted on 2007-06-06 00:00:00 | by stormkrow | [ Reply to This ]
      it gives the feel of hospital ward walls that dented dement white walls or those of expressionless childred who live in rooms with white walls no color no emotion yet tooo much emotion. the dry wall that dent so perfectly when you mark them with anger and hatred. i like how you illuded to an internal struggle that surfaces into the darkness the oblivion of white. the color of purity, the easiest to be tainted. the lines about fear and bubble really struck me with a sense of clostriphobia, being so consumed that one foregets to survive

    all around good write.

    ~Shadow
    | Posted on 2007-04-23 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm not perfectly sure what you meant by this but i loved the rhyme scheme, so much i might just start using it. nicely done.
    </3 lisa
    | Posted on 2007-04-19 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very difffent but well thought out, very good write.

    Brian
    | Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    140601

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Linger written by saartha
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Wavelength written by saartha
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Giving written by jjd
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane
    Song written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry