[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: White Walls...dots

    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 456
    Average Vote:    4.6667
    Bytes: 901


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhite Walls...dots

    White walls,
    Dented with hatred,
    With no color-,
    Painted pure,
    To begin with,
    But later tainted,
    To other-,

    With Impurities,
    So twisted,
    Fear floods the floors,
    And Honor,
    Under this roof,
    Drags me down,

    I see nothing,
    And I struggle,
    With no air-,
    Iím left,
    In a bubble,
    Of pain, trouble,
    And disrepair-,

    So I lay there,
    And I stare ate these,
    White walls,
    And study the sight,
    Of reality,
    Smacking me-,

    Because these were,
    Pure painted,
    Before it all-,
    Now they are,
    Dented with hatred,

    Submitted on 2007-04-16 09:13:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      it dose give the impression of a institution (?) but not nessicarily a hospital. so real like it has happened to other people not just me......

    great wright

    | Posted on 2007-06-06 00:00:00 | by stormkrow | [ Reply to This ]
      it gives the feel of hospital ward walls that dented dement white walls or those of expressionless childred who live in rooms with white walls no color no emotion yet tooo much emotion. the dry wall that dent so perfectly when you mark them with anger and hatred. i like how you illuded to an internal struggle that surfaces into the darkness the oblivion of white. the color of purity, the easiest to be tainted. the lines about fear and bubble really struck me with a sense of clostriphobia, being so consumed that one foregets to survive

    all around good write.

    | Posted on 2007-04-23 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm not perfectly sure what you meant by this but i loved the rhyme scheme, so much i might just start using it. nicely done.
    </3 lisa
    | Posted on 2007-04-19 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very difffent but well thought out, very good write.

    | Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Carry written by saartha
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The World written by jjd
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Etiquette written by saartha
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]