The Sultan’s Younger Brother. by comradenessie

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Submission Name: The Sultan’s Younger Brother. dots

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Author:	comradenessie
Elite Ratio:	6.5 - 626/539/110
Words:	178

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	1280
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1151

Description:
To avoid a power struggle, on their assencion Ottoman Sultans either killed their younger brothers or had them imprisoned in a cage.

The Sultan’s Younger Brother. dots

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The Sultan’s younger brother
glances through patterned pages
complex as the tiles that surround him.
In a dream world of lines and colours
he studies calligraphy and flute,
listens to the familiar drip, drip, drip,
of a fountain carved as delicately
as the petal limbs of his favourite concubine.

A strand of her hair twined around his finger,
he stretches catlike on satin cushions,
tastes jasmine-scented skin,
watches the hips of dancing girls.
He considers life beyond his flower-scripted world
even as his feline complement roams
shades of paradise, moonlit gardens,
pads on soft paws the many-domed roofs.

The cat is not enclosed within a lattice cage
unlike, the Sultan’s younger brother
who'll never again swim in warm seas,
ride rolling plains to the far mountains,
nor walk with friends in city streets.
Glasslike, the pool reflects two boys
shoving each other, tormenting their cat,
too young to know their different destinies.

Submitted on 2007-04-16 11:26:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hello Ness,
this piece brings me back to a lot of novels I've read about the Ottoman Turks; also, plain old history regarding them and their customs. I mean, damn, just to read up on all they contributed to modern civilization would fill countless pages... the arts, humanities, mathematics, science, etc etc... the list goes on.

Which brings me to this: I think you give the details of palace life perfectly here, what with its intrigues and fascinations ie fountains and concubines, gardens and domed roofs... to me, it's still a topic which brings to mind very heady and sensual things... and something which corrupted a lot of 'Western' emperors to the more Oriental way of life; just look at the Byzantine Empire, which had close contacts with Persia and all the various sultans forthwith. I know the Persian Empire was different, but they connote much the same ideas to me.

Ever read much Arabic poetry? Deciphered, a lot of it is truly wonderful.

I don't have much else to say, except... maybe write about other ancient cultures? For example, Greece (or should I say Macedonia) under Alexander; Rome under various emperors and popes; France with all its dazzling culture, high romance and chivalry; the list is endless and whets my appetite for more.

Well... I didn't really say much about your poem, did I? Hope this suffices... you opened up my mind's eye to this world...

Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2007-04-24 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  That's a little better, I see you fixed up the last stanza. I'm still a little lost as far as the younger brother, though; this poem seems to reflect a royal person wanting to know what's outside the walls of his palace more than a Sultan trapping his younger brother in a cage. Should he be resting on satin coushins and watching concubines? This still needs a tad more direction, I think, else it seems unrelated to your initial descriptive comment.

I do like your fix of the end, though.
| Posted on 2007-04-19 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ]
  The Cat is not enclosed within a lattice cage
unlike the Sultan’s younger brother
who will never, again, swim in warm seas
ride rolling plains to the far mountains
nor walk with friends the vibrant city streets.
Glass like, water reflects their boyhood
jostling each other, tormenting their cat,
too young to know their different (destinies).

Perhaps the cat these two tormented as children is now the guardian (and guard) of the younger brother, bound to 'protect' through encaging the youth. Of course he may also be the personification of the elder's benevolence, providing all the comforts of nobility at the price of servitude/ enslavement. And there may also be the whisper of cless struggle in this post with the ascension of the priveleged denigrating those less fortunate, as polticians do today when they gather taxes to more wisely spend then those who earned them.

Just my thought son the matter.
Take care, Nessie
Bill

| Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  Actually, I think the last word is supposed to be “destinies”. Also, I think you mean “complement” rather than “compliment”. I agree that there is some confusion of time and persons, which is usually acceptable with sparse, terse writing. It doesn’t work as well here because the writing is more like prose. The last line of S2 is an example, where the cat roams “...<comma> pads on soft paws”, which is an adverbial phrase (telling us how it roamed) between two phrases telling us where it roamed. To make the writing clear, all the ‘where phrases’ should be grouped and either precede or follow the adverb.
The strength of the work lies in its multitude of images and sensations smoothly described, and their smooth delivery. In some ways, I felt like I was drawn inside the palace in your picture, and could see the scenes described.
fred
| Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
  i understand the poem. most of it is not confusing to me except for two things: in the last stanza, the line starting with "Glass", i think you should make it more clear that you're talking about the brothers again. also, you talk about the sultan's younger brother as if the older brother is already the sultan, but at the end you say that they have two different "destines." to me "destines" means that it hasn't happened yet. it denotes that the older brother is not yet sultan and that the younger brother is not yet the younger brother of the sultan. get it? i think i'm understandable, but if you have any questions just ask.
~nick
| Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by reluctant_hero | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with the previous comment. The overall style is beautiful but it's way too confusing. The Sultan's younger brother doesn't seem to at all be caged, and what is the role of the cat? What about the Sultan himself? You need to give the poem more focus and direction.
| Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ]
  I think I'm having trouble trying to reconcile the three different characters in this piece: the younger brother, the car, and the sultan. I'm never exactly sure who is who or what is going on. I think I'd like to know something more about the sultan himself. And the younger brother doesn't seem to be in a cage at all... or is it the cat who has a different destiny? Clarify... give more detail. Let us see all three characters.
| Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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It means a lot to them, as it does to you.