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Author: siradrian
Elite Ratio:    4.87 - 213 /123 /68
Words: 69
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 898
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 543



Grey slinking eve 'tween day and night
who cares?
All the wares
of the world lost
mossed over by
the creeping stealthy e'en
that usurps day
brings in night.

twilight whispers not
a jot
no sound it makes
as it rakes
detritus from the day
into night.

Soft words not
from me
on parlayed
idle thought
of charmless subterfuge.
Impostor standing selfish
on the change.

Submitted on 2007-04-17 02:42:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
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4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  umm, cascading through my thoughts it resonates meaning full terms in on and off tracks.. you really did it this time.

enjoyable work.
| Posted on 2007-05-20 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! This is cool! Love the use of the older language (I'm a fan of that anyway), and 'charmless subterfuge' is a great phrase. Only change I would make would be to use 'between' in line 1 and 'even' in line 7. Using contractions make it sound trite for some reason.

Excellent work!

Peace, love and all that other junk,

| Posted on 2007-04-17 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]

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