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    dots Submission Name: How could youdots

    Author: bigothgurl
    ASL Info:    16, Female, GA
    Elite Ratio:    1.78 - 25/31/19
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 798
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 673


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHow could youdots

    Why must you be this way?
    Why must you always stray?
    Why can't you just stay here?
    Is commitment what you fear?

    I've always stood there beside you,
    I was always sincere and true,
    but you hurt me where it hurt the most,
    now your just a memory of a lonely ghost.

    How could you both do this to me,
    doing things when I could not see.
    For you both I had all my trust,
    what you both had was only lust.

    You both thought that I would be okay,
    but today is my last day,
    so I guess you were both wrong,
    my life had the ending of a sad song.

    Submitted on 2007-04-18 08:56:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the rhyming it had a nice tune to it. I actually liked the For in "For you both, I had all my trust." It showed you knew how to use the word for in the sentence. I liked it bravo. Just remember not all poetry has to rhyme. Just getting your feelings into words can make the most beautiful poem in the world.
    | Posted on 2007-04-18 00:00:00 | by LadyDoragon | [ Reply to This ]
      THIS IS AMAZINGG. i loved it and i can so relate right now its crazy. i have some suggestions.

    so I guess you were both wrong,
    ^i think you should say 'so i guess you both were wrong'
    ..i think it sounds better

    and :
    For you both I had all my trust,
    ^what is the ' i ' for? i dont think its needed. and you could add of after all.

    GOOD JOB :)
    | Posted on 2007-04-18 00:00:00 | by DontLetGo421 | [ Reply to This ]

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