Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: How could youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bigothgurl
    ASL Info:    16, Female, GA
    Elite Ratio:    1.78 - 25/31/19
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 755
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 673



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHow could youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why must you be this way?
    Why must you always stray?
    Why can't you just stay here?
    Is commitment what you fear?

    I've always stood there beside you,
    I was always sincere and true,
    but you hurt me where it hurt the most,
    now your just a memory of a lonely ghost.

    How could you both do this to me,
    doing things when I could not see.
    For you both I had all my trust,
    what you both had was only lust.

    You both thought that I would be okay,
    but today is my last day,
    so I guess you were both wrong,
    my life had the ending of a sad song.




    Submitted on 2007-04-18 08:56:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the rhyming it had a nice tune to it. I actually liked the For in "For you both, I had all my trust." It showed you knew how to use the word for in the sentence. I liked it bravo. Just remember not all poetry has to rhyme. Just getting your feelings into words can make the most beautiful poem in the world.
    | Posted on 2007-04-18 00:00:00 | by LadyDoragon | [ Reply to This ]
      THIS IS AMAZINGG. i loved it and i can so relate right now its crazy. i have some suggestions.

    so I guess you were both wrong,
    ^i think you should say 'so i guess you both were wrong'
    ..i think it sounds better

    and :
    For you both I had all my trust,
    ^what is the ' i ' for? i dont think its needed. and you could add of after all.

    GOOD JOB :)
    | Posted on 2007-04-18 00:00:00 | by DontLetGo421 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    140760

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Giving written by jjd
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry