I would never in my life and even in my dreams write something like this. This was so brutal, but you know what, in a weird way I like this..
In the first stanza, I can connect the simile of the sun to the first line.
"In the cold,dark night
My heart feels like the sun"
..its like you feel more alive on the darkest of hours, you feel yourself burning inside. That's what I saw.
I don't think the 5th stanza give much to the piece. But that's just me though. I like the ending by the way, there's a release of tension their.(at least)
This was very original, intriguing in every aspect.
I think it's interesting to try to go into the mind of the insane. What would it feel like to be a killer? A rapist? A terrorist?
I think most people are curious about things like this. I personally believe there is quite a fine line between those who do such things, and us. There have been a couple of times I've been angry enough to kill. But would I ever do it? No way! There's something in our minds that keeps us from going over the edge - the barrier between thinking and doing.
I think a lot of people have sat and thought about the perfect crime, or about exacting exquisite revenge on someone who has harmed our loved ones or us. But this is different. This is extreme!
Like someone else says, I really hope you don't dwell on this sort of stuff too much, because if you do, you should get help!
All in all, a strong and effective arrangement of imagery.
:) Twisted poetry always makes me smile. it lets me know im not the only one who thinks strange thoughts.
This is very vivid and graphic. Not exactly my style but you pulled it off well. My favorite parts were the first and last paragraphs.
I chose to read this poem cuz the title is something i can relate to. it wasn't what I was expecting but I wasn't dissapointed.
Holy Schiznit!!!!! I decided to come back and read a little more after the first piece of yours I read and what a difference! I've read the good and the evil side of you and I have to say that even though this is quite disturbing, you've done a wonderful job. This piece is so dark and morbid and to me you capture pure insanity beautifully. Hopefully your mind isn't on a direct path to here, but I can respect this from a writer's standpoint. I'll have to read more of your work when I have time...keep it up!
The imagery is very, very realistic to the point where you actually wince, stanza's such as:
'I like to hear the screams of pain
See the moment of realization
That this is how their lives will end
In utter humiliation'
Very realistic and very psychological - for creeping people out to the high heavens and back, you've hit the right note!
For some reason stanza four didn't quite seem to scan, and I'm not quite sure why. Although grammatically you don't need the commas on line 3 of that stanza, it tends to make the stanza more confusing. Possibly:
All the children are tortured slow
For screaming parents to hear it
I force them then to [censored] the corpse
Which completely breaks their spirit
Seems to work more both grammatically and semantically although you can completely ignore me!
But other than that, very freaky, very scary, very dark...and if your mind is darker than that...please don't come knocking on my door.
Bloody heck, but that's a long poem. Seriously; I might not finish this comment before class starts.
Anyway, I believe this comment has been owed for 27 days so far. It's about time I gave you what you earned.
All right: overall, ridiculously intense and severely morbid. If your mind is worse than that, then I suggest possibly counseling or something. If you don't mind, I think I'll break my normal routine of going stanza by stanza to analyze; I don't want to get much closer to that imagery than I have to.
To be entirely honest, the only discrepancy I find is in the first stanza (at least that I can be sure of).
"In the cold, dark night
My heart feels like the sun
Not from the crashing thunder
But from the deeds I've done"
I just don't see where the simile of the sun comes from, especially considering that the first line is talking about the night. It sort of threw me off for a moment. Also, no apostrophe in "it's" in the fourth stanza. That should be it.
The ending strikes an interesting note with me. "I'd give the devil anything / to make it go away." It seems to me that this narrator is more lost than it seemed to begin with. It is one thing to think your conscience overthrown--it is quite another to think that acting for the epitome of evil himself will absolve you of it. That way only madness lies.
Overall, a very drastic write. That is the only word I have.
what an image-saturated poem, if your mind really is weirder than this then by god you need to write more and more like this as it's the best mental clear out ever. we all have a dark side, sometimes the realisation of this fact can hit us rather hard, me in particular, well done for highlighting that. some of the rhyming is genius, other aspects of the rhyme and meter need a little work to make it tighter, i suppose though, that having it a little irregular adds to the meaning of the poem for me...that feeling that something isn't right.......let me know if this comment is useful to you at all :)oh.....definitely talk to someone,