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A Spiral of Whispers

Author: JAcksonJr
ASL Info:    20/Male/NY
Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 56 /116 /57
Words: 116
Class/Type: Poetry /Nature
Total Views: 1077
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 749


A Spiral of Whispers

A magnificent view of twisting spirals
lifted softly to my ear
speaking in a whisper all the while
of words i'll never know, i hear

while the ocean roars heavy
it's message is clear
tranquility is easy to see
with eyes unclouded by fear

Under the crests breaking
dawning a crystal flow
is a peace never ending
if you just swim below

for the surface is consumed
by a turbulent tide
if you stay, you are doomed
so live where us shells reside

This was the message given to me
by a shell on the shore
so i followed his message of the sea
Down to the ocean floor

Submitted on 2007-04-20 10:12:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  nice peaceful tone here. loved the stanza:

'Under the crests breaking
dawning a crystal flow
is a peace never ending
if you just swim below'

wonderful imagery and flow here. my only suggestion would be to change the last stanza and not explicitly tell the reader it's a seashell. i got that already and it comes through clearly, so telling us is unnecessary and diminishes the strenght of this.

peace, love and all that other junk,

| Posted on 2007-04-21 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  lovely...and peaceful, the first verse and as when the poem sinks in, imaginations go to the sea, open, peace and beautiful..just like this poem of yours. Thanks for sharing :)
| Posted on 2007-04-20 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]
  I disagree with Orange. Not confusing a bit.
"tranquility is easy to see" gave it away. Perhaps, the flow of the peice could be improved. Other than that, I see nothing wrong with it.
| Posted on 2007-04-20 00:00:00 | by Abby Sinthetic | [ Reply to This ]
  I thnk people may not have commented on this right off cause it's kind of confusing, until the last stanza. The last stanza really pulls everything to gether and gives the reader the sense of "oh, I get it now".
| Posted on 2007-04-20 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]

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