I listened to a twittering old man
describe his late wife to me.
He said their marriage was like
one of them late night horror movies.
One minute you are taking home an amazing broad
And the next you find a witch, a vampire, a demon or a fucking goblin on top of you, sucking the life from your mouth, from your cock, from your soul!!!!
‘It must have been the saddlebags
and spider veins and whatnot’
‘Or the lipstick on her teeth’
Then came one of my cashiers
tugging on my arm and asking for advice.
She dragged me over to the one hour photo department
and presented me with several negatives of a naked woman
spread eagle on a sofa.
‘Will you develop these? I don’t feel comfortable’
‘Sure…what have we got here?’
Another sniveling hag approached me.
‘YOO ought not run FEEULM with NOOtidy young sir!”
‘I run a drug store mam’ I told her.
‘Not a church’
By then the pictures came out.
And Jesus Christ were they nasty.
The woman was an obese BBW
and unsightly to say the least with her
spider veins and saddle bags in development.
Her vagina looked like an arby’s roast beef sandwich run over
on the freeway.
And in one image she had curled her index finger
That suggested that I ‘Come hither’
I decided to go to church and pray that night.
But the church….was closed….
I didn’t know churches closed…
I sure wish that lady’s legs were closed…