The river under the earth
pours from a crevice in the rock
and washes across the undercarriage
of this vast pine tree land.
With downpour in the spring and autumn
it grows and toils to burden the world
with another jagged eroded hole
in her heart of stone
that will fill with crystal
when the hot red blood
that flows through her
flows through her
and sends the river
scattering particles
into the sky
through crevices in the rock.
Its certainly interesting yes. I kind of feel like ripping it apart due the lack of grammar. xD But, hey, to each his own, right?
I like the imagery, its extremely vivid.
"that flows through her
flows through her"
I don't really like how repeated that. It didn't seem to quite fit. I dunno, ignore me I guess. I just don't like that part.
Though I'm not entirely sure what you intended it to be about (I never quite know how things were meant to be interpreted), but this is what I got out of it:
It feels almost like you're foretelling the end of the world, and what will happen at the end. Almost like we've destroyed the earth to a point, where it bleeds angrily, and destroys us as a way to get revenge.
I'm sorry if this wasn't at all what you meant, but I tried. xDD
This is a really interesting poem. I had to read it a couple times to get that it was about a volcano- but i AM kinda slow like that!
Actually I like poems that take more than one read through. The picture changes each time you read, and shows layers of meaning and many possible interpretations. When I first readit, I immediately thought of the story in the Bible in which Moses struck the rock with his rod and water came out. And while I was in that Bible state of mind, I thought of Noah, when the water came up from deep below the surface to flood the earth. And finally I figured out that the river was nt a river! LOL
Here's my favorite part:
... when the hot red blood
that flows through her
flows through her ...
I also like how you brought "crevices" back around to complete the circle. Nice work!
Submission Name: Undercarriage
