Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Undercarriagedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sheakhan
    ASL Info:    25/M/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 175/197/89
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 822
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 547



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUndercarriagedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The river under the earth
    pours from a crevice in the rock
    and washes across the undercarriage
    of this vast pine tree land.
    With downpour in the spring and autumn
    it grows and toils to burden the world
    with another jagged eroded hole
    in her heart of stone
    that will fill with crystal
    when the hot red blood
    that flows through her
    flows through her
    and sends the river
    scattering particles
    into the sky
    through crevices in the rock.




    Submitted on 2007-04-21 14:31:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Its certainly interesting yes. I kind of feel like ripping it apart due the lack of grammar. xD But, hey, to each his own, right?
    I like the imagery, its extremely vivid.
    "that flows through her
    flows through her"
    I don't really like how repeated that. It didn't seem to quite fit. I dunno, ignore me I guess. I just don't like that part.
    Though I'm not entirely sure what you intended it to be about (I never quite know how things were meant to be interpreted), but this is what I got out of it:
    It feels almost like you're foretelling the end of the world, and what will happen at the end. Almost like we've destroyed the earth to a point, where it bleeds angrily, and destroys us as a way to get revenge.
    I'm sorry if this wasn't at all what you meant, but I tried. xDD

    Nice workzzzz

    ~Jazzy
    | Posted on 2007-10-15 00:00:00 | by Jazzy | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Keeghan,

    This is a really interesting poem. I had to read it a couple times to get that it was about a volcano- but i AM kinda slow like that!

    Actually I like poems that take more than one read through. The picture changes each time you read, and shows layers of meaning and many possible interpretations. When I first readit, I immediately thought of the story in the Bible in which Moses struck the rock with his rod and water came out. And while I was in that Bible state of mind, I thought of Noah, when the water came up from deep below the surface to flood the earth. And finally I figured out that the river was nt a river! LOL

    Here's my favorite part:

    ... when the hot red blood
    that flows through her
    flows through her ...

    I also like how you brought "crevices" back around to complete the circle. Nice work!

    Annie

    | Posted on 2007-06-10 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    141013

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    ME written by jjd
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Genesis written by saartha
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Stretto written by saartha
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry