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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Seven Haikudots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: crimson echo
    ASL Info:    19 M U.S. of A
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 412/149/55
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Haiku/Nature
    Total Views: 325
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 773



    Description:
       A series of haiku I came up with this morning. Linked together, they seem to tell a story of some kind...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSeven Haikudots
    -------------------------------------------


    I.
    Blossoming crimson
    across the tide, her tears fall:
    the Sun has risen.

    II.
    Bird from the heavens.
    Now it is falling earthward.
    Are you an angel?

    III.
    As the clouds gather,
    the wind turns field into sea.
    And now it will rain.

    IV.
    The drops race downward,
    a redemption for the parched.
    Each is a mirror.

    V.
    Whispering secrets
    for the silent earthbound ears:
    the woods are speaking.

    VI.
    So quiet appears,
    taking the throne peacefully
    and sealing my guilt.

    VII.
    Deaf with the silence,
    she slowly descends to rest.
    Now the moon follows.




    Submitted on 2007-04-22 10:41:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like V
    and i would change the last one to "how the moon follows"
    idk lol SWEET A....yeah im starting to feel better
    u get better soon too
    laterz crazymunchkin to the left
    | Posted on 2007-05-01 00:00:00 | by crazymunchkin | [ Reply to This ]
      This isn't minimalism, it's haiku. Technically I feel this is like my four triolets, using form to string together a larger picture.
    But is this what I think it is? If yes, then the world is ending, because I finally understand haiku.
    If no (which should be the case) then I disagree with the fact that its loosely linked (which means I understood it?!) and that there should be fewer prepositions. Seriously, they're space fillers that are required for the bigger picture! But technically speaking, maybe you could have tried a different form, like tanka instead. The haiku I feel is a little restricted for the point you put across, although you did manage to get it across.
    Cheers always
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2007-04-22 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      I am not a major fan of minimalism but I will tell you that I enjoyed the progression of these loosely linked pieces.
    | Posted on 2007-04-22 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      I love haiku, my criticism is as a minimalist form of poetry you don't get much room to make an impression, use fewer words like "the", "it", "and" , every word must make an impact or illustrate and the words just don't. I think these have alot of potential they just need to be reworked a little bit, take care_Matt
    | Posted on 2007-04-22 00:00:00 | by devoted_dozer | [ Reply to This ]



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