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    dots Submission Name: Big Issue...please?dots

    Author: MornSweetSong
    ASL Info:    21/female/wales
    Elite Ratio:    4.42 - 110/83/46
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1063
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1004


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBig Issue...please?dots

    'Big issue please? Ladies and Gents, last copy now'

    The glorious broken, honourable man, dishevelled and in rags.
    I wonder if your heart breaks, when you're ignored by WAGS.
    I want to know your story, who you are and where you'e from.
    Is it your fault you're outside? Did someone do you wrong?

    I can imagine your story, you're a lost brother of mine.
    Abusive parents? Alcoholic carers, the effect of drugs over time.
    Your pain is my pain, for it is just one planet we share.
    I wanna hug you and hold you, SOMEBODY DOES CARE!!

    There's only so much I can do, I feel useless and weak.
    Maybe if I used my voice to help...please show me how to speak.
    You use your voice every day - crying out for someone to help you.
    I'm going to stop and listen, every time someone shouts 'Big Issue'

    'Big Issue? Somebody PLEASE help me'

    Submitted on 2007-04-23 13:39:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The content here is an important issue - firstly its something we can all relate too; at some point we've all walked past a big issue seller and avoided eye contact, we've all at some point ignored the man in the sleeping bag sitting outside thorntons. Some of us feel guilty, some people sadly act like snobs and their right wing conservatism leads them to the conclusion the poor deserve to be poor and the homeless people homeless.
    My only qualm with the poem is the over generalisation of what it means to be "homeless" - the conceit is somewhat stereotypical and naive. If you feel like you want to work on it more or indeed the concept more I have a couple of suggestions. Firstly, you could imagine coming to earth for the first time and reacting to people you meet in this situation, or secondly, you could take out all the language that seems a little general, e.g. dishevelled, rags, broken, absuive, and imagine what the poem would be like if these were postives - the poem would be much more interesting, as I'm sure you are aware not all homeless people where fingerless gloves and take drugs. I'm not criticising your inspiration or idea here at all; it is because of its strength that I would encourage you to work on it a little more experimenting in some way with removing the expected so as to make the poem even more powerful.
    | Posted on 2007-04-23 00:00:00 | by teacake | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this piece more for the content and what your message is than for the flow - I see people that shun other people - like in our town the homeless and it's like - these are still people - we really can encourage others and bring a smile, at least, to someone.

    good message!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    | Posted on 2007-04-23 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting contents to this piece for sure. I will admit that I had great difficulty in finding a solid pattern upon the reading of this piece. The flow was jagged at best and seriously difficult at worst.

    Good content...Plus
    Difficult pacing...Minus
    | Posted on 2007-04-23 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]

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