Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Clouds in the Skydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Keiran
    ASL Info:    20/M/NZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.64 - 40/47/33
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 986
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1182



    Description:
       

    ~Keiran~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Clouds in the Skydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I took a drive today
    Just to see if I'm alive today
    And as we crossed the bridge
    I traced the clouds in the sky
    As if they weren't just a lie

    Burn down the clouds
    All the vagrant shadows
    Because I want more than I feel
    Just give me something other
    Than a crutch for a cripple

    But too much fake splendour
    Is more then I can bear
    There's nothing here
    That I can trust

    What's real to me
    Is something I will never understand
    But I'll try and rewrite my life
    Make the clouds live again

    So put them back
    Paint the blue over
    With my forgotten dreams
    The nightmares too
    Because they show me
    More and more of you

    Now as the sun
    Gets pushed to the back
    The light vanishes
    The candle blows out
    But I see you clearer
    Standing in the dark
    Silhouetted by your own halo

    So block out all the light
    Artificial in a sense
    And you'll see what I mean
    When I say that the clouds are real




    Submitted on 2007-04-23 21:45:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the only thing that i dont like is that you started out with a rhyme pattern in the first stanza and then lost it in somewhere through the second

    i loved this a lot....it made me wisftul and dreamy
    your writing is really just making me feel good with everything else going wrong...

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-09-06 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      hahaha
    I'm listening to a british band called the zutons and the words of the song had not kicked in yet and your poem went along PERFECT with the song intro
    trippy/crazy/awesome
    i like your writing style
    simple
    clear
    effective

    bravo
    | Posted on 2007-04-24 00:00:00 | by digitalflower | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    141176

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry