[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The lost lovedots

    Author: Lover girl
    ASL Info:    17, female
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 83/54/24
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 642
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 811

       I wrote this hours after I saw the man that broke my heart and kept all the pieces

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe lost lovedots

    Hope is gone from my broken heart
    I saw you and I could not excape
    My love still flows like a river within
    But I have an agony I can not explain

    It has been a long while
    Since I felt your warm touch
    My cheeks still have tear stains
    But I think of you so much

    Life is a board game
    It can turn on a dime
    And wether or not we like it
    We can not turn back time

    Torturing winds bring me your scent
    And angels wings with your smile
    I try and forget the past that we had
    But the numbness I have is only mild

    The loneliness I cannot bear
    The deceit of your sweet kiss
    The strenghth in your arms when you held me so close
    And the whisper of you on my skin

    Submitted on 2007-04-23 23:56:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a quite a good piece, Katie..................and pretty mature thoughts here..................the rhyme is not very steady..but its alright................but as Michael said, do check your spellings........

    'Exscape' should be 'escape'

    'weather' should be 'whether'

    'sent' should be 'scent'

    'deciet' should be 'deceit'

    Just make these few corrections...............and 'The Lost Love' will be much more enjoyable to read! : ) Keep it up! : )
    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by mdsouza | [ Reply to This ]
      Katie, this is a wonderful love poem! You have much talent, and this poem conveys not only good structure but a fine story!
    | Posted on 2007-06-06 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      A fine, fine and poignant piece of poetry....classic lover's lament very well done and stark in its sadness .... (some typos: line 11 should be "whether" line 13 "scent"...) bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-05-30 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Live In Between written by teika5
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The World written by jjd
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]