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    dots Submission Name: The lost lovedots

    Author: Lover girl
    ASL Info:    17, female
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 83/54/24
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 710
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 811

       I wrote this hours after I saw the man that broke my heart and kept all the pieces

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe lost lovedots

    Hope is gone from my broken heart
    I saw you and I could not excape
    My love still flows like a river within
    But I have an agony I can not explain

    It has been a long while
    Since I felt your warm touch
    My cheeks still have tear stains
    But I think of you so much

    Life is a board game
    It can turn on a dime
    And wether or not we like it
    We can not turn back time

    Torturing winds bring me your scent
    And angels wings with your smile
    I try and forget the past that we had
    But the numbness I have is only mild

    The loneliness I cannot bear
    The deceit of your sweet kiss
    The strenghth in your arms when you held me so close
    And the whisper of you on my skin

    Submitted on 2007-04-23 23:56:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a quite a good piece, Katie..................and pretty mature thoughts here..................the rhyme is not very steady..but its alright................but as Michael said, do check your spellings........

    'Exscape' should be 'escape'

    'weather' should be 'whether'

    'sent' should be 'scent'

    'deciet' should be 'deceit'

    Just make these few corrections...............and 'The Lost Love' will be much more enjoyable to read! : ) Keep it up! : )
    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by mdsouza | [ Reply to This ]
      Katie, this is a wonderful love poem! You have much talent, and this poem conveys not only good structure but a fine story!
    | Posted on 2007-06-06 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      A fine, fine and poignant piece of poetry....classic lover's lament very well done and stark in its sadness .... (some typos: line 11 should be "whether" line 13 "scent"...) bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-05-30 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]

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