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    dots Submission Name: River to Edendots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 840
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 914

       aabba cdccb eebbe ghgge

    There are some personal metaphors, symbols and a few allusions of Eden to give you an idea to the emotions of the people.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRiver to Edendots

    Across rustic rivers winding
    why would your wanton mind be minding
    if better would it be
    should it be
    pleasant upon your finding

    Inside a handsized-chest chest I've been holding
    a secret competition, wanton apples, I should have-known had I not been folding
    for mothers aged and olding
    hidden from my view, from her cottage her face I could not see

    Upon these rivers, rapidly flowing
    raging yet not a slight mind to be knowing
    if better it would be
    chasing after thy apple tree
    two maidens along the water quickly rowing

    cutting through the water each in hot pursuit
    If only his fair ladies did not easily entertain
    in each's grasp amused red temptuous fruit
    in the hand of one a figure, in the other a flute
    all in all without the devil knowing

    Submitted on 2007-04-25 07:47:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow this peace quite possibly bleeds art all over the place and lives and dies in my pupils. (er, I mean that as a compliment) The hook at the beggining is quite brilliant
    -Across rustic rivers winding
    Why would your wanton mind be minding

    That's as near perfect a hook and line as I've seen and it's in just the right spot at the beggining- folded me right into the rest of it. I wonder could you tell me what the two maidens part alludes to? Only part I can't make a guess at the meaning of- personal metaphor?
    | Posted on 2007-12-24 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      I am afraid I do not completely grasp your meaning. But, I do think it is pretty and very well written. See, I did go read it...ho-bag.
    | Posted on 2007-04-30 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes I wonder why a suberb piece such as this should get no comment? I can only think either jealousy or intimidation.

    This, my dear, was a very fine piece, indeed! I loved the title and you use such a different point of view and in a way take a Genesis tale and make "IT" modern.

    Well done - and a fav for sure

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    | Posted on 2007-04-25 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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