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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lilydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lynn marsters
    ASL Info:    20/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49/61/32
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 358



    Description:
       dedicated to the memory of George Falloon


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLilydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Grief unaltered
    by the unaffected expression
    rising to the surface of her face

    It floats as delicately
    as a humble and unassuming lily pad,
    above a deep and turbulent pool

    In danger at every moment
    of collapsing back into the water
    and bathing her face in tears






    Submitted on 2007-04-25 14:36:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Short yet descriptive...
    somehow I don't quite feel for it, it's good but something is missing... just a feeling though (maybe I'm too tired)...
    yeah... it sould affect me more since the imagery and language is really good but somehow it doesn't
    | Posted on 2007-10-17 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
      You could have a better rhym schem our just reword it so it sounds betterbecause its flow wasnt all that great
    | Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by panzyrocker | [ Reply to This ]
      You had some nice metaphores and analogies within the body of this piece. It spoke loudly of the strength it takes to fight through the throes of grief.
    | Posted on 2007-04-26 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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