Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lilydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lynn marsters
    ASL Info:    20/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49/61/32
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 358



    Description:
       dedicated to the memory of George Falloon


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLilydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Grief unaltered
    by the unaffected expression
    rising to the surface of her face

    It floats as delicately
    as a humble and unassuming lily pad,
    above a deep and turbulent pool

    In danger at every moment
    of collapsing back into the water
    and bathing her face in tears






    Submitted on 2007-04-25 14:36:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Short yet descriptive...
    somehow I don't quite feel for it, it's good but something is missing... just a feeling though (maybe I'm too tired)...
    yeah... it sould affect me more since the imagery and language is really good but somehow it doesn't
    | Posted on 2007-10-17 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
      You could have a better rhym schem our just reword it so it sounds betterbecause its flow wasnt all that great
    | Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by panzyrocker | [ Reply to This ]
      You had some nice metaphores and analogies within the body of this piece. It spoke loudly of the strength it takes to fight through the throes of grief.
    | Posted on 2007-04-26 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    141303

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry