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Grief unaltered by the unaffected expression rising to the surface of her face It floats as delicately as a humble and unassuming lily pad, above a deep and turbulent pool In danger at every moment of collapsing back into the water and bathing her face in tears |
Short yet descriptive... somehow I don't quite feel for it, it's good but something is missing... just a feeling though (maybe I'm too tired)... yeah... it sould affect me more since the imagery and language is really good but somehow it doesn't | Posted on 2007-10-17 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ] | You could have a better rhym schem our just reword it so it sounds betterbecause its flow wasnt all that great | | Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by panzyrocker | [ Reply to This ] | You had some nice metaphores and analogies within the body of this piece. It spoke loudly of the strength it takes to fight through the throes of grief. | | Posted on 2007-04-26 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ] | |