This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Lily


Author: lynn marsters
ASL Info:    20/f/canada
Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49 /61 /32
Words: 53
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1080
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 358



Description:


dedicated to the memory of George Falloon


Lily



Grief unaltered
by the unaffected expression
rising to the surface of her face

It floats as delicately
as a humble and unassuming lily pad,
above a deep and turbulent pool

In danger at every moment
of collapsing back into the water
and bathing her face in tears






Submitted on 2007-04-25 14:36:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Short yet descriptive...
somehow I don't quite feel for it, it's good but something is missing... just a feeling though (maybe I'm too tired)...
yeah... it sould affect me more since the imagery and language is really good but somehow it doesn't
| Posted on 2007-10-17 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
  You could have a better rhym schem our just reword it so it sounds betterbecause its flow wasnt all that great
| Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by panzyrocker | [ Reply to This ]
  You had some nice metaphores and analogies within the body of this piece. It spoke loudly of the strength it takes to fight through the throes of grief.
| Posted on 2007-04-26 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



141303