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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ...And Everything Inbetweendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Predator
    ASL Info:    21/m/Derbyshire, England
    Elite Ratio:    7.02 - 257/198/73
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 882
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 905



    Description:
       Love, life, death...

    (just so you know, the 'in't' IS intentional, accent stuff...)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots...And Everything Inbetweendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Silent streets flicker words of wisdom to a beaten heart.
    The cars won’t start, splutter and artfully remain broken in the road.
    Machinery fit to lose your life and break your stuttering,
    Stammering words of love and emotion,
    Strewn like sculptures of a forgotten artist.
    Devotion eludes in favour of sweat and sweet love.
    In the silent streets they click,
    Sitting, silently, in the hope for something more.
    Something else.
    Anything else.
    You pause.
    “Draw your blinds and speak to me, dream at me,
    Breathe with me as one
    And be content”
    The greener grass is always deceptive
    “Be content”

    ‘It in’t enough’

    The silent street outside flickers in the darkness
    The door opens and the ticking stops
    The light flickers above
    It flickers and fails




    Submitted on 2007-04-25 17:58:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      ive seen your name everywhere ive turned tonight and i decided since you are giving such crazy amounts of comments i was gonna come by and check out your stuff.

    i read this.
    i am at a loss as to why there is only one comment on it.
    this is stunning sir.

    i cannot tell you anything about this piece. i cannot tell you what it is that speaks to me. its like the meaning of this piece and its implications in my life are just out of my reach tonight...

    tonight i am completely out of context.
    you know the way a reader brings themself to a piece and puts themself in it...
    tonight i bring myself completely out of context to this piece.
    tonight i see the empty streets and hear the clicking and beaten heart and think of the happenings of a year ago tonight exactly in my life where i was the battered spluttering car engline that wouldnt start... my mind was hysteric and i was running through dead streets i didnt know...
    id had just been brutally beaten and raped in a foreign country and i couldnt calm myself enough to find my way back to the hostel i was staying at... my mind spluttering with all kindsa awful things from the hours of torment i had just endured but more importantly survived and completely unsure of what any of this meant or what implications it would have on my life... and everything in between...

    your speech mark/quote part is so close to one of the two songs that became like matras to me... the refrain from a radiohead song "breathe... keep breathing... dont lose your nerve... breathe keep breathing... i cant do this alone..."

    the last four lines is the sigh when i find my hostel after a hysteric run home... after swearing at people who even LOOKED at me as i ran through the streets crying ... finding my bed and falling alseep even though i knew i prolly shouldnt coz there was a huge lump on my head... the last four lines are the flickering of the knowledge that everything is gonna be okay...

    yes. i bring myself to this piece completely out of context. i hope my comment doesnt startle you but i have to say this is an amazing piece of writing here.

    to read it out loud is simply delicious... the way the words roll around and pop on my tongue like pop rock candies... magical.
    | Posted on 2007-06-05 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      There's something profound about this poem. A couple mechanical quirks. In 'it isn't enough', I think you might have missed an 's' there. It says in't. Also, I don't know if you meant to repeat beaten heart twice or not but that seemed to throw it off rather than help it. The last line is pretty epic sounding. 'It flickers and fails'. That alone makes the entire poem totally up for interpretation. I like the open-esque structure of this poem due to that; it doesn't have a concrete message as much as one that is up for grabs for whoever relates to it.
    | Posted on 2007-04-25 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ]


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