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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: scarce chambersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 714
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 828



    Description:
       


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    dotsscarce chambersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the touching hammers of adoration
    these palms of loving
    these eyes of troubled depth
    all the tiny moments in the field
    breathy necks and fingers down
    sidewalks blowing over
    i never saw them speaking
    those pale dragons in your hair
    like the embers of your tongue exploring
    i stopped caring some time ago
    the sick of love deleting me
    my mouth pouring like an anchor
    i stole away to the alcoholic summers
    the buzzing of the vacant lawns
    i haven't seen a forest in years it seems
    only clocks and the knocking breeze
    children running through the trees
    the pilgrims of the sun exploding
    my skin like a ion when my heart is a furnice
    i've died in some way
    in the losing of this friend




    Submitted on 2007-04-26 20:50:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ok this is bothering me, read the comments I gave from the bottom up, because the second one I forgot to mention that, and I guess i could have edited it, but oh well, bottoms up, remember? lol

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      she's at it again perhapse? well regardless that is beautiful; so fine. you had me at hello. take the alcholic summers and the buzzing lawns to paradise lost. it just made me melt the dramatic dives of melodic melody. you have a soul a sweet as all our summers of all our oceans. such enchated words.

    in shadow
    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      oh yeah when you say "breathy necks" I really don't get it, and I'm not sure iif 'breathy' is even a word... hm... you should seriously think about changing that. maybe "breathly" or maybe thats what you meant and its only a typo?

    I don't know, any way it goes its a beautiful poem that came from a beautiful mind, just like my own in a way. And it's not often I bump into someone with the same kind of writing as my own.

    thanks for sharing your piece, once again, and I am deeply sorry if you did lose a friend.

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw, so did you lose a friend recently? I'm sorry if you did. This piece had wonderful imagery, my favorite line was:

    "sidewalks blowing over"

    The fact of someone saying a sidewalk could blow over is great, I love it.

    Keep up the great work, and keep on bein beautiful! -blush- eek!

    I love it so much it's one of my fav's!

    ttyl,

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]


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