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    dots Submission Name: scarce chambersdots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 828


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsscarce chambersdots

    the touching hammers of adoration
    these palms of loving
    these eyes of troubled depth
    all the tiny moments in the field
    breathy necks and fingers down
    sidewalks blowing over
    i never saw them speaking
    those pale dragons in your hair
    like the embers of your tongue exploring
    i stopped caring some time ago
    the sick of love deleting me
    my mouth pouring like an anchor
    i stole away to the alcoholic summers
    the buzzing of the vacant lawns
    i haven't seen a forest in years it seems
    only clocks and the knocking breeze
    children running through the trees
    the pilgrims of the sun exploding
    my skin like a ion when my heart is a furnice
    i've died in some way
    in the losing of this friend

    Submitted on 2007-04-26 20:50:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ok this is bothering me, read the comments I gave from the bottom up, because the second one I forgot to mention that, and I guess i could have edited it, but oh well, bottoms up, remember? lol

    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      she's at it again perhapse? well regardless that is beautiful; so fine. you had me at hello. take the alcholic summers and the buzzing lawns to paradise lost. it just made me melt the dramatic dives of melodic melody. you have a soul a sweet as all our summers of all our oceans. such enchated words.

    in shadow
    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      oh yeah when you say "breathy necks" I really don't get it, and I'm not sure iif 'breathy' is even a word... hm... you should seriously think about changing that. maybe "breathly" or maybe thats what you meant and its only a typo?

    I don't know, any way it goes its a beautiful poem that came from a beautiful mind, just like my own in a way. And it's not often I bump into someone with the same kind of writing as my own.

    thanks for sharing your piece, once again, and I am deeply sorry if you did lose a friend.

    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw, so did you lose a friend recently? I'm sorry if you did. This piece had wonderful imagery, my favorite line was:

    "sidewalks blowing over"

    The fact of someone saying a sidewalk could blow over is great, I love it.

    Keep up the great work, and keep on bein beautiful! -blush- eek!

    I love it so much it's one of my fav's!


    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]

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