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    dots Submission Name: Hands Like Sandpaperdots

    Author: wovenwords
    ASL Info:    19/F/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    2.46 - 108/303/189
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 853
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 932


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    dotsHands Like Sandpaperdots

    You listen to me with earplugs,
    hopeful voices bounce off unwavering indifference.
    You hold my hand like itís made of sandpaper,
    what happened to Ďhands as soft as a petalí?
    Your heart beats for me like a coma patientís,
    slowly and without so much as skipping a beat.
    Your eyes shine like a worn cobblestone path,
    as bright as crushed gravel and hard stones.
    Your poetry is that of a childís...
    accusatory and ignorantly far-reaching.
    You sing with a cracked voice and fickle notes,
    always writing lyrics with your Ďastuteí knowledge.

    Are the stars everything you wanted?
    Do you treasure the things youíve always flaunted?
    Is there truth in your glare, or do you wear it to just to spite?
    Will your vision just be dark, or will there someday be a light?
    Iíll always sit beside you, to kiss your eyelids to sleep.

    Submitted on 2007-04-26 22:46:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like it..

    In the beginning, you're relying on similes, but you disguise it well. The word choice is great, and the poignancy of the analogies themselves hide the fact that it is really just repetitive comparison.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that a style like that is very easy to make a poem seem childish, but if you can transcend that with quality, it usually makes for a very good read. You do the latter, by filling in the blanks with very well thought out daggers towards your subject..

    Eh, I'm getting wordy. Good write.
    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by indianhog74 | [ Reply to This ]
       Wow, I've got to say that was tremodously beatiful, no I'm not jerkin' you around that was phenominal The words just played off each other, with a flow that makes rivers jealous, in fact I didn't even know there was a rhyming scheme until the last line! The feeling in this poem is just so so freakin awesome! I think it was the second line that stuck it to me the most, damn this poem is [censored]in awesome!(and I was trying so hard not to cuss) don't change a thing you hit the mark and then some! Spread your words like fire.

    Sincerely yours with a bloody kiss,
    | Posted on 2007-04-26 00:00:00 | by Naymless | [ Reply to This ]

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