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    dots Submission Name: The Sweetest Lullabydots

    Author: Naymless
    ASL Info:    15/F/phx, az
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 142/110/33
    Words: 245
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1112
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1679

        Welp, just finished some changes, but I might do a few more revisions. Any who I got the idea from inside the actors studio about what you want God tell you when you get to heaven, and well I'd like God to sing me a song.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sweetest Lullabydots

    A lullaby,
    The sweetest lullaby,
    A song so sweet and pure,
    I’ll sleep with a smile,
    But wake in tears,

    And my dreams will be filled with instrumental bliss,
    With cords that sound of morning,
    Plucked from stings forged of rainbows,
    On frets of moonlight,

    Each verse like kisses unto virgin lips,
    As rain to the pedals of a desert rose,
    A chorus of children’s laughter, and lovers delight,

    A tempo of pitter patter,
    Rainfall on glass roofs,
    Breathes of rain,
    And sighs of sunshine,

    Please do excuse my mortal tongue,
    It’s not so daring as to sing along to its melody,
    Or describe the words so strong it defines any other with great diction,
    I can only describe the chorus and verses,

    A dirge with a happy ending,
    Lament with joyous occasions,
    Dulcet and euphonious,
    A song that knows quiescent,
    Not so much oblivious,
    Just unacquainted,

    A song of love undying,
    A song of love for those who breathes do seemly sigh,
    Love for sinners with saints that cannot respond,
    Maids turned moonlight mistress,
    Damsels and their drunken dances,
    Queens from queans,

    Angels singing from every corner of periphery,
    Singing unto him a song,
    As he sings unto me a symphony,
    With no discord or such relation with any cacophony,
    No dissonance,
    Just ethereal discerning,

    Sadness is but a mute whisper amongst the daring clouds,
    So very, very far below.

    Submitted on 2007-04-26 23:26:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The grammatical structure kinda threw me off a bit (with the commas ending each stanza, etc.), and there were some spelling errors, but who really cares about that stuff?

    This piece, at its high points, was freakin' amazing. As for where those high points are located, two stanzas really stuck out to me..

    A tempo of pitter patter,
    Rain fall on glass roofs,
    Breathes of rain,
    And sighs of sunshine,

    I got from this, that God's song is set to a natural sound. Like, every negative annoyance has been removed from nature, and He has opened up to you a filtered form of the beauty that truly surrounds us.

    Also, I liked..

    A song of love undying,
    A song of love for those who breathes do seemly sigh,
    Love for sinners and saints,
    Maids and mistresses
    Damsels and drunks,
    Queens and queans,

    I think this stuck out, more than anything, because of the break in meter. That's what got my attention. - obviously if she is stepping aside from the persistent rhythm, this must be worth giving another look. And it was. It's a bit cliché, but the varying range amongst the contradicting characters as recipients of this "love undying" truly does further the greatness of the love being offered.
    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by indianhog74 | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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