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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Waves of Passiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Desi
    Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 210/151/34
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1143
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 409



    Description:
       Well I have not been inspired for a long time.....Had problems with wording but here it is......


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWaves of Passiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Moon light glistening on the water.
    Stars coming out to see, two lovers on a bed of slivery sand, not meant for you to see....

    Embraced by waves of passion.
    My breast you embrace.
    Your kiss upon my face.
    Desire crashing over us, pulling you unto me.

    Now we are as one for all the world to see.
    Waves of Passion, flowing back out to sea.........




    Submitted on 2004-06-13 04:12:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      passion is right... although i'm not so crazy 'bout the other lines, i find your poem to be fairly expressive. it has shortcomings but what you're trying to say stood out.
    | Posted on 2004-06-13 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      This is pretty good, but I think that you need to change some of the repetitious words like sea; you could say ocean. Could you says something other than "waves of passion?" I also don't think you need you need the ellipses (There are only 3-dot and 4-dot ellipses. The 3-dot one is for a brief omission or a trailing away. The 4-dot is for an omission of a sentence or more).
    | Posted on 2004-06-13 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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