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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Watched Potsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 230/384/131
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 700
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1067



    Description:
       A very quick rough draft. 7 minute write. I'll probably get around to editing this one later. Thoughts, comments, and suggestions are always welcome and encouraged.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWatched Potsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I first noticed the bubbles in your words
    several months ago, when you were
    experiencing your first bout of existential angst
    like a childhood virus that, left inexperienced for so long,
    made up for lost time by worming straight to the core.

    You spoke in code, speech erratic with popping words
    scorching with some internal heat that stewed
    in the back of your throat, baking shadows into your eyes.
    Left alone, you seethed at the edges, blackening your brain
    with dark ideas and convoluted thoughts that made sense
    on the surface, but really just added fuel to the flame
    with imponderable questions and answers that didnít
    actually answer anything at all.

    I am wracked with worry for you, but those mental
    incendiaries are too flammable for my unskilled firefighting.
    I have taken to watching you carefully, because
    although it is far too late to stop you from bubbling,
    perhaps I can prevent you from boiling over.




    Submitted on 2007-04-26 23:52:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You spoke in code, speech erratic with popping words
    Scorching with some internal heat that stewed
    In the back of your throat, baking shadows into your eyes.
    Left alone, you seethed at the edges, blackening your brain
    With dark ideas and convoluted thoughts that made sense
    On the surface, but really just added fuel to the flame
    With imponderable questions and answers that didnít
    Actually answer anything at all.

    I love this. Such clear descriptive language, this is in my opinion the most powerful stanza. if I had to choose a favorite line from amongst the many gems though, it would have to be "baking shadows into your eyes."
    I don't like the word firefighter though, instead I would write "To be extinguished". that's my only nitpick. Great work_devoted.
    | Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by devoted_dozer | [ Reply to This ]


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