Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Working Coffee dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Waywarddaughter
    ASL Info:    17/f/Vt
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 72/52/22
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 999
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 294



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWorking Coffee dots
    -------------------------------------------


    This coffee tastes like spit out teeth, overchewed gum,
    ever present depression.Caffeine buzz; work hours; small windows; too good a day to waste being happy.

    My employers dog is on Prozac.
    He himself takes calcium supplements;
    And too many cigarette breaks.




    Submitted on 2007-04-27 17:05:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey! So I guess I'm not the only one who thinks things sometimes taste (or smell) like depression. And when I think that, I'm usually thinking of a situation I associate with that food or drink that implies a sort of.... distance. But I'll stop analyzing myself on your comments space. Just wanted to say that I think it's appropriate for a working-in-an-office-where-nobody-talks-to-anyone-else-and-you-have-way-too-much-time-to-think-about-things situation.

    I've heard of animals on Prozac. Seems a terrible waste for wealthy idiots. Just walk your friggin dog once in a while and he/she won't be so depressed. Calcium supplements... I don't know much about medecine, but seems cigarettes are bad for your.... well, everything, but bone density maybe too. Either way, it's a sign that he's not really taking care of himself, or solving the problem. He's just making himself feel a little bit better, because otherwise he'd have to give up his masochistic self-destructive habits. And I can say that cause I quit smoking. Again.

    Anyways, just a few suggestions. Like the Dear Mr. Wool Raincoat said, uncapitalize the And. And I love enjambment. I'm always playing around with it, and I love the way it can make a sentence have a completely different focal point. Perhaps this looks better on a non-ES format, but here the second line seems crowded by the little box.
    | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      Now thats some bad coffee,sounds like it sat a little tooooooooo long.Personally coffee has to be fresh brewed before i have a cup.I'm not a coffee drinker.I'm a tea granny

    The way you decsribed the coffee made my tummy turn lol so yes you did a good job bringing the point across.

    Now a dog on Prozac????Thats a first for me,i have never heard of this before.But you know you learn something new every day lol i bet the dog is calm and layed back.

    Your boss is taking calcium pills i guess a person has to do what a person has to do,in order to keep the bones from not breaking or aching?I'm not into pills,i just eat the things that have calcium in it..

    Toooooo many cigarette breaks,um well i am bad because i am one of those people who smoke way to much it's a bad habit an we who smoke smell.It sticks to our clothes,in our hair,our fingers turn a ucky yellow lol gosh i'm making myself sick of myself....

    Hang in there kiddo look at it this way,it's a job and you are making a living take care WayWardDaughter

    | Posted on 2007-06-23 00:00:00 | by deluka | [ Reply to This ]
      Bitter, bitter, my dear friend. I happen to know that it was your aunt/employer whose dog was, in fact, on Prozac.

    OHSHIT.

    I'm late for Spanish.
    | Posted on 2007-05-01 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Wayward!

    This is pretty funny, and I think something that adds to this is the bitterness of the whole piece. That it's too nice a day to spend being happy, so you stay couped up in the office with your crappy, bile-spiked coffee, and your pompous boss doesn't do anything but flaunt his wealth and die.

    You missed an apostrophe in "employer's," and you don't need to capitalize the last "and." I think this is mostly fine how it is. I mean, you could always expand it to no ill effect. But I think something that could improve the piece would be playing with your enjambment here, your linebreaks. Chop it up a bit and such. That would be my only suggestion.

    Anyways, yep, good write!

    Take care.
    | Posted on 2007-04-28 00:00:00 | by wool raincoat | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    141465

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    One Time Is Good written by Daniel Barlow
    I Wonder If written by Wolfwatching
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    Just a fantasy written by TiaanK
    Untitled: June 24, 2018 written by homeless
    The Forgotten Umbrella written by garnet4david
    trish trillion written by Daniel Barlow
    rimbaudian reverie written by CrypticBard
    Confessions and shit... written by Daniel Barlow
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blank Page written by Chelebel
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Eyes written by homeless
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled - May 14, 2017 written by homeless
    More written by homeless
    Un Lugar Para Siempre written by SavedDragon
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    burning confusion written by cornonthekob
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Shading written by saartha
    X written by homeless
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry