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    dots Submission Name: Working Coffee dots

    Author: Waywarddaughter
    ASL Info:    17/f/Vt
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 72/52/22
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1046
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 294


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWorking Coffee dots

    This coffee tastes like spit out teeth, overchewed gum,
    ever present depression.Caffeine buzz; work hours; small windows; too good a day to waste being happy.

    My employers dog is on Prozac.
    He himself takes calcium supplements;
    And too many cigarette breaks.

    Submitted on 2007-04-27 17:05:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey! So I guess I'm not the only one who thinks things sometimes taste (or smell) like depression. And when I think that, I'm usually thinking of a situation I associate with that food or drink that implies a sort of.... distance. But I'll stop analyzing myself on your comments space. Just wanted to say that I think it's appropriate for a working-in-an-office-where-nobody-talks-to-anyone-else-and-you-have-way-too-much-time-to-think-about-things situation.

    I've heard of animals on Prozac. Seems a terrible waste for wealthy idiots. Just walk your friggin dog once in a while and he/she won't be so depressed. Calcium supplements... I don't know much about medecine, but seems cigarettes are bad for your.... well, everything, but bone density maybe too. Either way, it's a sign that he's not really taking care of himself, or solving the problem. He's just making himself feel a little bit better, because otherwise he'd have to give up his masochistic self-destructive habits. And I can say that cause I quit smoking. Again.

    Anyways, just a few suggestions. Like the Dear Mr. Wool Raincoat said, uncapitalize the And. And I love enjambment. I'm always playing around with it, and I love the way it can make a sentence have a completely different focal point. Perhaps this looks better on a non-ES format, but here the second line seems crowded by the little box.
    | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      Now thats some bad coffee,sounds like it sat a little tooooooooo long.Personally coffee has to be fresh brewed before i have a cup.I'm not a coffee drinker.I'm a tea granny

    The way you decsribed the coffee made my tummy turn lol so yes you did a good job bringing the point across.

    Now a dog on Prozac????Thats a first for me,i have never heard of this before.But you know you learn something new every day lol i bet the dog is calm and layed back.

    Your boss is taking calcium pills i guess a person has to do what a person has to do,in order to keep the bones from not breaking or aching?I'm not into pills,i just eat the things that have calcium in it..

    Toooooo many cigarette breaks,um well i am bad because i am one of those people who smoke way to much it's a bad habit an we who smoke smell.It sticks to our clothes,in our hair,our fingers turn a ucky yellow lol gosh i'm making myself sick of myself....

    Hang in there kiddo look at it this way,it's a job and you are making a living take care WayWardDaughter

    | Posted on 2007-06-23 00:00:00 | by deluka | [ Reply to This ]
      Bitter, bitter, my dear friend. I happen to know that it was your aunt/employer whose dog was, in fact, on Prozac.


    I'm late for Spanish.
    | Posted on 2007-05-01 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Wayward!

    This is pretty funny, and I think something that adds to this is the bitterness of the whole piece. That it's too nice a day to spend being happy, so you stay couped up in the office with your crappy, bile-spiked coffee, and your pompous boss doesn't do anything but flaunt his wealth and die.

    You missed an apostrophe in "employer's," and you don't need to capitalize the last "and." I think this is mostly fine how it is. I mean, you could always expand it to no ill effect. But I think something that could improve the piece would be playing with your enjambment here, your linebreaks. Chop it up a bit and such. That would be my only suggestion.

    Anyways, yep, good write!

    Take care.
    | Posted on 2007-04-28 00:00:00 | by wool raincoat | [ Reply to This ]

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