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    dots Submission Name: The Emptiness of the Pastdots

    Author: CynicalxDreamer
    ASL Info:    31/m/7th Level of Hell
    Elite Ratio:    2.46 - 40/100/64
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1251
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 933

       I don't know what brought it on, but I just had to write it. Nevermind that its seeming to be a repetitive topic for me on the feelings of emptiness. I guess its my theme....hurray.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Emptiness of the Pastdots

    My eyes close to the pain
    That often dwells within
    Of moments in time
    Where I thought
    I had done
    The right thing

    Flashes of memories
    That won't wash away
    Under the hand of time
    Only strengthen
    In regret
    Of my actions

    There are many words
    That I can think of now
    That I couldn't find
    In the instance
    That I needed
    To speak most

    Only the coolness
    Of solitude surrounds me
    And the eternal echo
    Of the silence
    That came
    In your wake

    So now, I say farewell
    The shadows of our history
    Finally seeing the light
    So I may start
    Over again
    Without you

    No more tears can fall
    As this ennui
    Has drained them away
    All there is ache
    Only an echo
    A void

    Submitted on 2007-04-30 08:41:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      All there is ache

    this line seems awkward... as if there is something missing...

    emptiness is something most people experience some part of their life. hopefully it is not something they know all of their lives though...

    i think you could improve this piece by employing a little punctuation. it would separate your ideas a little better and make it easier for the reader to follow.

    youve called this piece the emptiness of the past and im wondering whether there is hope for the present/future...?

    so your emptiness here is as a result of another being absent from your life... right?
    is it an emptiness that youre able to replace with something else...? [though i am not meaning to suggest that substitution is always the healthiest way of dealing with a problem...]

    i think you could have brought more to this piece but it does progress through your ideas well.
    good luck
    | Posted on 2007-07-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the thought behind this
    | Posted on 2007-04-30 00:00:00 | by BigDreams | [ Reply to This ]

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