Description: I don't know what brought it on, but I just had to write it. Nevermind that its seeming to be a repetitive topic for me on the feelings of emptiness. I guess its my theme....hurray.
The Emptiness of the Past -------------------------------------------
My eyes close to the pain
That often dwells within
Of moments in time
Where I thought
I had done
The right thing
Flashes of memories
That won't wash away
Under the hand of time
Only strengthen
In regret
Of my actions
There are many words
That I can think of now
That I couldn't find
In the instance
That I needed
To speak most
Only the coolness
Of solitude surrounds me
And the eternal echo
Of the silence
That came
In your wake
So now, I say farewell
The shadows of our history
Finally seeing the light
So I may start
Over again
Without you
No more tears can fall
As this ennui
Has drained them away
All there is ache
Only an echo
A void
this line seems awkward... as if there is something missing...
emptiness is something most people experience some part of their life. hopefully it is not something they know all of their lives though...
i think you could improve this piece by employing a little punctuation. it would separate your ideas a little better and make it easier for the reader to follow.
youve called this piece the emptiness of the past and im wondering whether there is hope for the present/future...?
so your emptiness here is as a result of another being absent from your life... right?
is it an emptiness that youre able to replace with something else...? [though i am not meaning to suggest that substitution is always the healthiest way of dealing with a problem...]
i think you could have brought more to this piece but it does progress through your ideas well.
good luck
Submission Name: The Emptiness of the Past
