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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Killdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Thief
    ASL Info:    22/male/plainview
    Elite Ratio:    4.8 - 180/80/69
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 652
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 847



    Description:
       this goes to them again.
    they know who they are...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKilldots
    -------------------------------------------


    kill me
    right here right now
    kill away this pain
    that allows this heart to ache
    kill these memories
    the ones of us
    the ones that are torture
    just killing me inside

    this body is getting weak
    these emotions are starting to leak
    everybody is learning this Truth i hide
    and i cant figure out whos on my side

    my heart is aching and its all for you
    it hurts so much, what can i do?
    why me and not them?
    why does my life seem so dim?
    survival is looking slim...

    this hellhole filled with memories
    Pain feeds off of them like a feast
    its the ccenter core of it all
    and this energy is so fuckin raw!!
    i dont know who to blame
    cuz this hell isn't another one of your games!!




    Submitted on 2007-04-30 13:41:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I find it interesting that you capitalized "Pain," "Truth," and nothing else. Was that intentional? In any case, it works.

    The poem as a whole is very raw. At the same time the pure emotion is really working for you. Needs to be slightly revised and edited. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2009-08-26 00:00:00 | by Snarkypoet | [ Reply to This ]
      it okay
    | Posted on 2007-07-24 00:00:00 | by god of fear | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah. Teenage poetry. I'm not going to lie. It's not the greatest thing I've read before but it's a good start. I know you're not trying to be proper and it sounds better outloud to so I put that into consideration when I read it and it still sounds a little funny. I guess a little better rhyming would be better, that's just me of course. It sounds like you forced it to rhyme instead of letting it just flow. It's against my nature to really intentionally rhyme by picking out words that did rhyme. Still, like I said, great base to start with and I hope to read more from you soon.

    - Kyle B.
    | Posted on 2007-04-30 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]


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