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    dots Submission Name: Follow Fatherdots

    Author: DBC
    ASL Info:    21/m/ar
    Elite Ratio:    2.77 - 55/59/29
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 839
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 920


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    dotsFollow Fatherdots

    be as it may
    you may be traveling
    getting on a train
    go and find what it is your looking for
    you've got ideas
    such high ideas
    you will make it far boy
    you will drive this company to the top
    you will make a fine business man
    a fine capitalist
    a man of high morals
    just follow father

    come take a walk with me son
    what are you doing with your life
    let me give you advice
    think twice
    never never decide for yourself
    here's a plan a blueprint
    i have it figured to your death
    you'll have a family and a house
    bills and stability
    i can give this all to you
    just follow father

    i'll show you ways to get you by
    to make you happy till you die
    future plans, no dont bother
    if your smart you'll follow father

    Submitted on 2007-04-30 13:46:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. I like how you get across the idea of a son following in a father's footsteps--or at least a father's wish that his son would. I like how you turn from having an almost buddy-buddy tone to one that is nearing a frustrated/threatening tone. You may want to add some punctuation for clairity, but that's more of a style than anything else. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2007-04-30 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]

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