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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mommy, where are you going????dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: redeemer
    ASL Info:    19/female/venus
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 85/93/58
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 806
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1304



    Description:
       This is about a child watching her mother leave her, and never came back...and at the age of 18 she relizes her mother never really love her...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMommy, where are you going????dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Mommy, where are you going???
    Was it something I did wrong???
    Mommy, please just stay here...
    If only for a bit longer...
    Mommy, please don't leave???
    Give daddy another chance...
    He didn't mean to hurt you...
    Come on he's not so bad...

    Mommy, please stop crying...
    I'm sorry, for whatever I've done...
    Just please don't leave us here...
    I love you oh so much...
    I promise I'll clean my room...
    I'll take the dog for a walk...
    Mommy, please don't leave me...
    I promise, I'll listen when you talk...

    Mommy, please unload those bags...
    And walk back in the house...
    We are all a family...
    I know we can talk this out...
    Mommy, please what can I say???
    To make you want to stay...
    I know I'm not the best little girl...
    But I promise I'll behave...

    Mommy, come back up the drive...
    Please, please...I'm sorry...
    Mommy, what else can I say...
    Look at me I'm crying
    Mommy, please come back...
    Don't turn around that corner...
    Now that I'm 18
    I can see that you never loved you daughter...




    Submitted on 2007-04-30 22:14:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm I don't know how much I agree with the last commenter. Kids today can write well sometimes and probably understand more than what we think. To me this sounds like what a little kid would be thinking if their mom left because they would stop at anything to not have their mom leave. I do also believe this is poetry in my eyes but we all have our own opinions so yep.
    | Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      For me, this piece has the potenial to be quite moving, but I don't know that I find it believable that a child would write such words. "We are all a family, I know we can talk it out," seems a bit...made up and forced. It almost seems that this is a "story" and not poetry that moves its reader. sorry.
    | Posted on 2007-05-01 00:00:00 | by Ironbutterfly | [ Reply to This ]


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