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    dots Submission Name: I'd Tell Youdots

    Author: playcrackthesky
    ASL Info:    21/f/IA
    Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 463/457/88
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 856
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1142


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'd Tell Youdots

    If the pink in your cheek
    Could sing to the shadows
    Of their sharpness,
    I'd fall in love.

    If the bold straightness of your nose
    Could dance with the cleft in
    Your smooth shaven chin,

    And the temptation in your lips
    Would give in to the seduction
    Begging in the hazel chips in your eyes,
    Words would fail.

    If the silk would swim
    In your voice to melt into
    Your singing expressions,

    And if your 'Gaston' walk
    Could ensnare the sex in your back
    To catch my helplessness,
    I would melt into your lap.

    If your ever loving hands
    Would sleep with the small of my back
    For one moment longer,

    And if the wetness of my lips
    Could swing in the warmth
    Of your burning mouth,
    I'd tell you.

    That even without the lust,
    the eyes, the hair, the song and walk,
    that one moment, that one single hug,
    of 6 foot man, I've still,

    Never been so in love.

    Submitted on 2007-04-30 23:46:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      An amazing thing hit me the other day, one of your poems. I liked it so much and was so impressed I have come back for more and am not disappointed.
    I'd like to just say it has all been said, however, I have to add that the maturity and control of this write is incredible. No, it's not the typical teenage "i'm so in love but I have no idea what that is" kind of aimless writing that just brags on the subject's looks.
    You define the person, bring them to life for the reader and leave no doubt as to your feelings and your knowledge.
    This is an excellent piece. I'm sure you have heard this a lot but you are an excellent writer with a great talent. Well written.

    I have missed out, it appears, on a serious talented writer here. I'm glad my eyes have been opened and look forward to more of your writing.
    | Posted on 2007-11-01 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great write! So full of feelings and emotions, and like others have said here, not that mushy [censored], but true, romantic, from the heart feelings. I would have to say you wrote this about a particular person, I mean, I cant imagine this coming out of you just on a whim. It is lovely, I cannot say anything more than this is truly an elegant, passionate and sexy poem. Nice work!!

    | Posted on 2007-07-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoah...Stephanie, stephanie, stephanie!!!
    I go away for a while and come back to find yooz all growed up!

    This write is very sensual and somewhat sexual yet written in such a classy and tender way that it is a great description of a passionate love. It isnt one of those run of the mill teenie bopper love writes and it is done waaaayyyyy better than those love poems that have a rhyme scheme to them...ya know?

    "We went up the hill
    To fullfill our thrill
    And we had no care
    As I stroked your hair" blah!

    Excellent job!!!
    | Posted on 2007-07-20 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, no ones really commented, which is sad, because this is actually rather good. i should really read more poetry these days :P

    when i was reading this i was listening to a song by Jamisonparker, i don't know what it was called but it contained the line "i just wanted you to feel beautiful just for one day" or something like that, and it went really well with this piece. its like your words should have been in the song!

    i feel kinda low now, namely because i haven't written anything in absolutely ages, and more so because i know i won't be able to write something as captivating and relatable as this.

    i'm sorry this comment in mostly ramblings but i think this piece has inspired me to write something again, as well as that song, whatever it was

    james :)
    | Posted on 2007-07-17 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Epiphany, the way that you described what you love about the dude, is what made it really good. Damn it!!! she stole my comment!!

    anyway...I liked how you said without all that other lustful stuff, that you never have been so in love...mushy...gushy...love. lmao

    Now look here...see what happens when you post? huh? You are very talented, and pieces like these are no surprise from you. Good work, nice to read your work again.

    | Posted on 2007-05-01 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      first up ive been meaning to ask... who are you with in your pic...?

    anyways... that aside.
    i like this.
    when i read it sounds the way maya angelou's 'phenomenal women' reads out loud to me... (thats a REALLY great thing.)

    what i like about this piece is the way you pay attention to every little aspect of what it is about him that you love...
    its not some vague "you smell so... nice and you touch me right and..." ramble but its precise and its thought out and its beautiful.

    and i think, most of all, that the end is what makes this piece... because item by item you undo your list youve spent the whole piece making and say youd love him anyways...

    you have a beautiful heart my girl!
    | Posted on 2007-05-01 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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