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How can I believe I'll have the devil to pay,
If I don't go to church and pray?
Because if that is true - then all I can say -
Is my life on earth is hell, anyway.
What with TV Evangelists scaring the poor,
With the promise of heaven for a few dollars more-
I can do without your faith and spiritual giving,
I need my faith for myself just to carry on living.
Ben Gunn (final edit 02.05.07)
| This flows much smoother than the six lines, I think. I like the fact you've separated it solidly into two stanzas of four lines each. It looks like there's a double space between them which makes it a little disruptive, I'd make them closer together just as a technical suggestion or press them together completely. It doesn't switch ideas between the stanzas, so putting them together carries on the same concept all the way through without interruption.|
Love the additional lines, so true of society.
I'LL REACTIVATE YOUR MIRACLES, GOD ONLY NEEDS A 1000 DOLLAR SEED!
Haha. Nice job and nice revision.
|| Posted on 2007-05-02 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ] |