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8 Line Atheism ( slight return )


Author: Ben Gunn
Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 62 /84 /40
Words: 85
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1110
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 496



Description:


extra lines inspired by underINK...ty and props etc etc etc


8 Line Atheism ( slight return )



How can I believe I'll have the devil to pay,
If I don't go to church and pray?
Because if that is true - then all I can say -
Is my life on earth is hell, anyway.

What with TV Evangelists scaring the poor,
With the promise of heaven for a few dollars more-
I can do without your faith and spiritual giving,
I need my faith for myself just to carry on living.




Ben Gunn (final edit 02.05.07)




Submitted on 2007-05-02 14:16:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This flows much smoother than the six lines, I think. I like the fact you've separated it solidly into two stanzas of four lines each. It looks like there's a double space between them which makes it a little disruptive, I'd make them closer together just as a technical suggestion or press them together completely. It doesn't switch ideas between the stanzas, so putting them together carries on the same concept all the way through without interruption.

Love the additional lines, so true of society.

I'LL REACTIVATE YOUR MIRACLES, GOD ONLY NEEDS A 1000 DOLLAR SEED!

Haha. Nice job and nice revision.
| Posted on 2007-05-02 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ]


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