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Under Two Suns

Author: Ben Gunn
Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 62 /84 /40
Words: 115
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1044
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 858


An ancient and clumsy rally against everything.
You get like that when you get pubes, spots and an attitude.

Under Two Suns

The voices of
a thousand dead
cry in agony-
under two suns.
The Great flag
hangs over me-
and my kind.
And we don't believe
in your miracles-
but to see you all
to your
destroys a belief
in myself.

Hail Mary and wheel out
your dead,
and maimed.
Our Father of a Bastard Child
conceived in a fairy tale.

Rich men going to your heaven,
on earth oppress the poor,
But they will rise, forever defy-
Till they are slaves no more.

The distance between you and them
is the gap
from the blade

Ben Gunn jan 1986

Submitted on 2007-05-02 15:51:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I like the direction of this poem; you seem to be on a regular crusade against deity-idolizing religion. However, I feel it's too open and there is little to no structure. I say this because the first two stanzas are of similar structure, and then you shift into a rhyme (which was very nice), and then into a shorter stanza that doesn't match anything. I'd say clean up the structure a little, but that's it. Love it.
| Posted on 2007-05-03 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ]
  And you said my poetry was depressing. I love your work in general, I just love the way you use words. This is a really strong and powerful piece that presents an amazing image of something I completly disagree with. I love it only because I love it even when I don't agree with it.
| Posted on 2007-05-02 00:00:00 | by DeeBaby6389 | [ Reply to This ]

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