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Season of Contrasts

Author: comradenessie
Elite Ratio:    6.5 - 626 /539 /110
Words: 193
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1853
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1322


Thanks to Alteredlife (Jase) for coming to the restructering, rescue of my poem. The knight as ever.

Season of Contrasts

Season of Contrasts

It’s that time of year when trees are thick with pink blossom,
the pavement littered with stubs of cigarettes
and petals.

Two old ladies cross
at traffic lights, walk slow, lean heavily on black sticks:
their arms linked, heads together in the closeness of mutual support.

On one side of the road mortar shows chipped on a broken wall
and dandelions turn from yellow to white
behind black, metal bars.

graffiti stains shutters on derelict shops,
second-hand clothes hang on racks outside the One-in-Eight,

and neighboring new built stores stare with blind, white windows
across the Gloucester Road; nearby,
the park buds children.

Their voices
drown out the birds. 'He’s going to be a spider.'
'I want to be a dragon.' 'You’re going to be a robot.'

Here the traffic is less condensed, and girls swirl past
on silver scooters.'What’s that, a ruby?'
'No, it’s an emerald.'

wheel baby buggies past cracked
timber benches, and a small boy plays with a wooden train.

Submitted on 2007-05-03 06:06:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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I love how you can find the beauty in spring time even amongst the graffiti, cig butts, and buildings that are dilapidated
These things are still still important to point out because they are part of our every day lives and our new view of beauty
There rarely untouched beauty of nature any more
Some of those children who grow up in city parks will never experience that and need to learn appreciate the little beauty they get to see
whether it be a dandelion or budding tree

You have excellent imagery in this poem
I can picture (i live near Chicago so my mental image was the city) the cities children running around so perfect
You painted a wonderful picture with your words
| Posted on 2007-05-03 00:00:00 | by digitalflower | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this a lot, but I don't feel like it has any closure at all and that completely detracts from the impact of the poem. There's such a lack of closure that it feels like you only stopped halfway through the poem and forgot to submit the rest. It seems unfinished to me. I'd line it up with a repetition at the end of a previous, impacting line, more direction and perhaps a little something the reader can take away with them.
| Posted on 2007-05-03 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this. Its so airy, autumn-like with a smooth poetic flow. The image is so vivid in my mind with a hint of feeble disconnections between the various images. The voices of the children somehow remind my of Woolf's "The Waves", and images of London life. There's a suave pleasure in this, felt through the ordinarity of contrasting seasons.

"It’s that time of year when trees are thick with pink blossom,
the pavement littered with stubs of cigarettes
and petals"

These lines are so beautiful, the truthfullness of pavements- cigarettes and petals..

Greatly enjoyed this poetic ride.
| Posted on 2007-05-03 00:00:00 | by AutumnLeaves | [ Reply to This ]

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