The Million Year Picnic (Monologue-Chapter 2)
Where were you going to post this note that explains everything? And in what way does a veiled apology soothe a wound? And if Iíve been the daughter you never had, why do you treat me no better than my father? He ignored me, abandoned me and killed himself. Imagine how that jacked my self-esteem!
I love you and Iím angry and I love youÖ
And if you feel unworthy of that love, so be it. I still love you.
Thanks for every present you did give me, and even the ones that were never sent. Let me hug you one more time before you leave.
I promise I wonít let go.
Ps- Mom says hello. Will you visit us soon?
I considered calling you, my love, but all I have are these incomplete thoughts that always seem to misbehave, soÖ
All I can say is how sorry I am that my exile has left you confused and upset. That was never my intent, believe me. Your father and I were so alike at times that I became afraid I might hurt you in some way. Madness is contagious, Iím told, and the way your Dad left the world troubled me. Even though he and your Mom were divorced for a year, I know it hurt her that he died so publicly. And I know it hurt you, too. More than anything else, I believe your Dad loved you, he just didnít know how to show it.
It was never your fault that the world became what it is, and nothing youíve done led me to slip away so suddenly. I just needed some time alone. Remember when you were four and you fell asleep in my arms while I rocked you at your parentís house? I needed time and shadows to cradle me that same way. I needed the embrace of solitary darkness and the memories of loved ones late at night. And I think about you all the time. I missed you all day, and every one of the past thirty days weíve spent apart.
Iíll be by to see you soon. Send my love to your Mom.