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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Vain to Be Vulpinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WolfStar
    ASL Info:    26/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.85 - 119/130/46
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1383
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 878



    Description:
       Birds freeze in the mouths of a predator. They do not know to use their wings.


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    dotsVain to Be Vulpinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    She finds him in arctic eyes,
    in the primacy of salted skin
    as it burns against hers in its natural rhythm;
    there is hunger in those questing fingers,
    in the vulpine grin,
    simple in its desire
    for pleasure without shame.

    He is not afraid to scent and stalk,
    to force her hands down under her
    where she doesn't have to be clean,
    where doing right has no momentum
    as she may have her moment
    to [stop] the pretense
    that taking is wrong.

    But what now of the woman?
    Is it her life in the silver sheen
    upon his fingers,
    in a half-serious smile
    beneath the tremor of a touch?

    To be reduced to vulpine love,
    to a veil of vanity
    for a man whose eyes only light
    when hers cannot see in the dark.




    Submitted on 2007-05-04 01:06:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You know, I really should've said this a while ago after reading through a few of your poems, but I genuinely like reading them, and you have a natural and original ear for what works and what doesn't. I don't say this often but you have true talent, whether that be innate or learned (but it's always a mixture of the two, don't you think?)...

    One part which struck me as perhaps too archaic was:
    "But what now of the woman?"
    --I'm not sure of this suggestion, but how about trimming it down to something like:
    "But, what of this woman?"
    --Even now, it's still archaic, but less so, and still naturally leads into the next lines.

    Back to the poem though: I really like how you compare this man to a stalking wolf without saying it; even without your picture I would still get that picture. And this woman, compared to a poor bird, unable to fly free due to complete shock... a fitting analogy for some. To tell you the truth, this almost carried associations of rape to me, which isn't a nice thing at all, but on the other hand, it carried a more overall meaning of the game between predator and prey. Just what it made me think.

    Nice.

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2007-05-08 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      its sex man. i can tell. ahah, i love it. really.
    When i first saw that wolf/fox thing (sorry). wait i just checked again. FOX.

    yeah, I thought it was going to be about animals, and it was in a way. but god, I love the underlying pretense and the way you disguised the whole thing--it's effin great, baby. no lie.

    the ending rocks. you do too ahah.

    GOOD JOB ninahead
    <3
    | Posted on 2007-05-04 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTheGun | [ Reply to This ]


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