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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: On our waydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: just an angel
    ASL Info:    17/F/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 95/109/59
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 852
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 819



    Description:
       Gradutation is coming up, and I'll have to say good-bye to my ex, whom I love dearly. We haven't talked in a while, and I don't want to leave high school without knowing we ended things ok. So, the last day I will ever see him will be on our graduation day, and that is the day of which I speak of. Because after that, I won't see him again because we'll both be too busy trying to get out of our home towns, where there are many good, but also painful memories.

    It's my first song I ever wrote, so sorry if it doesn't flow well. But with my tune, its ok.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOn our waydots
    -------------------------------------------


    This is all new for me
    This will all happen today
    Tomorrow you won't be here
    And I'll be on my way

    We'll go far away
    Far from this familiar place
    We won't be here again
    We'll leave this disgrace

    (Chrous)
    So on this day
    While you're here with me
    Can you smile at me?
    Just one last time
    Before we're on our way

    By tomorrow
    Our memories will start to fade
    We'll forget all the happiness
    We ever made

    We'll never look back
    On the familar place
    Because we'll be too busy
    As we're on our way

    (Chorus)

    Just this one last time
    Before we're on our way




    Submitted on 2007-05-04 18:05:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I actually completely disagree with Rainmaker. I love the rhythm to this piece. It's very winding, but it always ends up at the same place. This is something I am very familiar with, as I am graduating soon too. It's easy to connect with every word declared. Very well done.

    Wishing for more
    ~Brian
    | Posted on 2007-05-06 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
      It has the feeling in it. But i think we the readers would appriciate if you would tell us what type of melody its for and littlebit about how its sung.
    One thing i might wanna work out would be the chorus - but i might be wrong, since its still unclear to me how the melody and words blend togethere there. It seems to me that the verse parts are more flowing than the chorus part. So i would personally try to make it more catchin' - since chorus is usually the part from where listeners finally reconize the piece if at all.
    All in all it captures the reader to read it few times and its easy to understand. So nice work - littlebit of shining is in need, but it also works that way.
    I hope you two get things settled between you ;)

    Good luck and best wishes.
    | Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by Rainmaker | [ Reply to This ]


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