Description: Gradutation is coming up, and I'll have to say good-bye to my ex, whom I love dearly. We haven't talked in a while, and I don't want to leave high school without knowing we ended things ok. So, the last day I will ever see him will be on our graduation day, and that is the day of which I speak of. Because after that, I won't see him again because we'll both be too busy trying to get out of our home towns, where there are many good, but also painful memories.
It's my first song I ever wrote, so sorry if it doesn't flow well. But with my tune, its ok.
On our way -------------------------------------------
This is all new for me
This will all happen today
Tomorrow you won't be here
And I'll be on my way
We'll go far away
Far from this familiar place
We won't be here again
We'll leave this disgrace
(Chrous)
So on this day
While you're here with me
Can you smile at me?
Just one last time
Before we're on our way
By tomorrow
Our memories will start to fade
We'll forget all the happiness
We ever made
We'll never look back
On the familar place
Because we'll be too busy
As we're on our way
I actually completely disagree with Rainmaker. I love the rhythm to this piece. It's very winding, but it always ends up at the same place. This is something I am very familiar with, as I am graduating soon too. It's easy to connect with every word declared. Very well done.
It has the feeling in it. But i think we the readers would appriciate if you would tell us what type of melody its for and littlebit about how its sung.
One thing i might wanna work out would be the chorus - but i might be wrong, since its still unclear to me how the melody and words blend togethere there. It seems to me that the verse parts are more flowing than the chorus part. So i would personally try to make it more catchin' - since chorus is usually the part from where listeners finally reconize the piece if at all.
All in all it captures the reader to read it few times and its easy to understand. So nice work - littlebit of shining is in need, but it also works that way.
I hope you two get things settled between you ;)
Submission Name: On our way
