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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Scribbleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: GiveMeTheGun
    ASL Info:    20/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 108/85/15
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1048
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1144



    Description:
       yes well, i have succeeded in kicking out the angst. took my nearly a year, but it was worth it. (:


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsScribbleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    you scribble when you write
    and yeah, you talk like that, too
    you're a tape recorder mumbling
    it's a wonder i can understand you.

    but i can.

    repeat it once, repeat it twice.
    what? no, say it again.

    and you do.

    It might be something close to nothing
    and i dont mind so you shouldn't

    why do you?

    you mumble when you talk
    and yeah you write like that too
    scribbled little notes i can't read
    but you wrote them

    so i try to.

    love letters are simple
    but they're english homework when they come from you
    but i still like them
    im not lying

    i do.

    speak slow when you talk
    i don't understand.
    what? say that again
    you idiot

    of course i love you.





    Submitted on 2007-05-04 23:34:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow. this was an awesome poem. i like the way you wrote it, the way you left those parts in bold and all, and especially the ending. it was so unexpected, and so sweet. the "you idiot" was the best. it made me smile.
    it actually reminds me a bit of myself - too much. oops.

    i think a way that can improve it just a bit is to put "..." after "but you wrote them". i dont know, it just sounds...nicer.

    i loved the poem, great job! keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2007-10-28 00:00:00 | by allyn d. | [ Reply to This ]
      yay for kicking out the angst!
    ive read so much angst today and i was starting to give up hope that it could be kicked. so thank you too. i am glad it has been worth it.
    you can only go up from here!



    i like this.
    i like the bold parts that separate the thoughts. the way theyre so confident in their questioning. its well done.

    i like the whole story.
    its so real.
    like i could live this story easily.
    and boys have such useless writing. as if theyre trying to be economical with everything- paper, words, ink. they scrawl so tiny its impossible to decipher so i completely understand the whole english lesson in a love note idea.

    i like the whole uncertainty of the actual status of the encounter. the reader has no idea where in the chain of progression the relationship is. in some ways it seems the writer themself has no accurate idea.

    its all caught in the mumbled tape recorder voice... trying to catch what is being said... feeling foolish for asking for a repeat and another repeat and yet another...

    i really like this.

    i think for me... when i read this piece i think of my dad. i know that isnt your intention but if you heard my father speak you would KNOW what i mean lol and why i think of him.
    in one of my pieces i wrote about him i described his talking as a speech-without-spacebars-mumble haha

    anyways yay.
    well done!
    keep the angst away... youre onto something good here!
    | Posted on 2007-07-16 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was a good read. I liked how you worded it in your own way.
    | Posted on 2007-06-09 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really sweet. The last part left me with a smile.

    I love poems like this. Tellings of dearing love. Not lust. Not abuse. But love that is simple. And true.

    It shows that even though somebody can have flaws and imperfections and blemishes, there is still a soft spot in your heart for them. You love everything about them. And in a way, especially their imperfections.

    It brings hope that this type of love still exists.

    Somewhere...
    | Posted on 2007-06-05 00:00:00 | by sunsetserenity | [ Reply to This ]
      I've never seen a love poem dedicated to a convenience store clerk before.
    | Posted on 2007-06-04 00:00:00 | by Ur.Poems.Suck | [ Reply to This ]
      your poem was good. i liked the fact how you was talking to him but didnt get me confused on what was going on.what i mean the message of your poem was very clear.you stuck to one point.you dint get off topic or anything it was good.i love the part when you say
    ''repeat it once, repeat it twice.
    what? no, say it again.
    And you do.''
    that reminds me so much of my boyfriend he's japanesse and sometimes when he talks.he talks to fast.so i have to tell him over and over again to repeat himself.or i just keep saying what until i get what he's saying.
    | Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by vlarrimore | [ Reply to This ]
      awwwwwwwwww dude no teen angsty angast. ur an adult now.
    yo this poem is incredible. i like iyt.

    laterrrrrrrrrr

    Grim
    | Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by darkness | [ Reply to This ]


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