Suicidal Needle
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Description:
She didn't come back this time, she proved me wrong
Suicidal Needle
I murdered myself placed a cell into the ground I fused myself to the lack of warmth underground Terrible place to be caught up in your own self destruction murderous plot to seek a game of disruption I told a tale and in it I told myself to take it easy to set aside the wonders and rip throught the blackened windows All I could see was a white ghost leaving my supreme being carelessly speeding up her death for me carrying out the deeds of a useless pea a pea in a soft tainted pod dripping down whats left of memory showing me that she has forgotten me wiped away clean from memory she forgets me |
Submitted on 2007-05-04 23:50:32 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| it's weird....any time anyone else reviews your stuff i get uber pissed, especially if they get to it before me and ESPECIALLY if they question something...*ahem* anywho...i think this is gorgeous...and all your words add something. everything is needed and loved....at least i think so...and what i think is all that matters here... :D and i did come back though bebs...i came back....i always will. always. i luh you. talk soon.. XOxoXO, me | Posted on 2007-05-06 00:00:00 | by angelfyre | [ Reply to This ] | This is a strong poem. I especially like how the lines are very direct so that more intensity is created. What a dramatic opening line: | I murdered myself Then the poem gathers strength and force, talking about the idea of death, of obsessional thoughts of the grave, the idea of: I fused myself to the lack of warmth underground is beautifully expressed. As is: All I could see was a white ghost leaving my supreme being A fantastic poem. My only question would be, though it is well-written, what does the second stanza actually add to the poem that we cannot insinuate from the richer language elsewhere? Would it be stronger without this stanza? I don't know the answer to this as obviously it's up to your own artistic vision. Once more a brilliant poem, thank you for sharing. Speacenik | Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ] | |
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