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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fire Flydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Fallenhope
    ASL Info:    16/f
    Elite Ratio:    0.01 - 0/2/1
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Spoof/Venting
    Total Views: 907
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 525



    Description:
       Feh, just been dumped for the..*counts* 17th time. Prety lonley right now, oooh....my first writeing too! Please be nice!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFire Flydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I promised you a heart, one that i didn't recive.
    Once you had it in you grasp you threw it to the wall.
    My heart was ripped out and i bleed to death on the floor.
    Did you care?
    No
    You laughed
    I was crying that night
    Just like i have been every night
    Just remmeber
    You are like a fire fly
    Beautiful til someone catches you
    And when they have you like you had me
    Then, they will let you go
    Fire Flys can only be free for so long.




    Submitted on 2007-05-06 01:15:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      well i think that this is a little bit all over the place. i think what you should do is break it up a little. maybe take the few hilights that you have and turn them in to stanzas. i think that it is a good start
    | Posted on 2007-05-06 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      Well this was pretty good. Somthing you should do is shorten the senteces or but it into diff. stanza like this..


    "I promised you a heart,
    one that i didn't recive.
    Once you had it in you grasp
    you threw it to the wall.
    My heart was ripped out
    and i bleed to death on the floor.

    Did you care?
    No
    You laughed
    I was crying that night
    Just like i have been every night

    Just remmeber
    You are like a fire fly
    Beautiful til someone catches you
    And when they have you like you had me
    Then, they will let you go
    Fire Flys can only be free for so long."



    It make a smoother read and there are some punctuation errors other than that this was a good write just some rough ereas....I really like how used the a fire fly as a metaphor in the write


    "You are like a fire fly
    Beautiful til someone catches you
    And when they have you like you had me
    Then, they will let you go
    Fire Flys can only be free for so long."

    that was best part of the piece i think


    well hope to hear from you and keep up the good work

    Max
    | Posted on 2007-05-06 00:00:00 | by theman | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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