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    dots Submission Name: Miragedots

    Author: StylerDen
    ASL Info:    29/Male/Malaysia
    Elite Ratio:    2.98 - 38/59/51
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Mirror or Mask
    Total Views: 1223
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 381

       Fake water pond, deceiving isnt it?
    Look beyond the flesh, and you'll find what it really means.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Forever and ever,
    Waves of ocean dawn,
    Dry ground brings forth mirage,

    If ever we wonder,
    Appearance foregone,
    Dress like flowers corsage,

    I do not remember,
    Our love become lost,
    When did it turned barrage,

    Now I sit in sunder,
    Reminded what's not,
    My heart been torn apart.

    Submitted on 2007-05-06 02:45:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Nice syncronicity... My band has been working on a song since last October, and I was thinking about naming it Sunder... not a word you see to often.

    It was recently a Dictionary.com word of the day, did you steal it from that? Just kidding.

    In the second stanza I'd put "Dress like A flowers corsage" to match the amount of syllabulls of the first line, and there's some confusing tense lines around and about, but nothing I'd change completley.

    It's a good poem I'd say, but it doesn't feel personal to me... I don't know... Keep it up, I look forward to reading the rest of your stuff.
    | Posted on 2007-05-07 00:00:00 | by NoMartyr | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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