Mirage by StylerDen

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Mirage dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	StylerDen
ASL Info:	29/Male/Malaysia
Elite Ratio:	2.98 - 38/59/51
Words:	51

Class/Type:	Poetry/Mirror or Mask
Total Views:	1223
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	381

Description:
Fake water pond, deceiving isnt it?
Look beyond the flesh, and you'll find what it really means.

Mirage

-------------------------------------------

Forever and ever,
Waves of ocean dawn,
Dry ground brings forth mirage,

If ever we wonder,
Appearance foregone,
Dress like flowers corsage,

I do not remember,
Our love become lost,
When did it turned barrage,

Now I sit in sunder,
Reminded what's not,
My heart been torn apart.

Submitted on 2007-05-06 02:45:36 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Nice syncronicity... My band has been working on a song since last October, and I was thinking about naming it Sunder... not a word you see to often.

It was recently a Dictionary.com word of the day, did you steal it from that? Just kidding.

In the second stanza I'd put "Dress like A flowers corsage" to match the amount of syllabulls of the first line, and there's some confusing tense lines around and about, but nothing I'd change completley.

It's a good poem I'd say, but it doesn't feel personal to me... I don't know... Keep it up, I look forward to reading the rest of your stuff.
| Posted on 2007-05-07 00:00:00 | by NoMartyr | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

141976

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.