Mirage by StylerDen

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Submission Name: Mirage dots

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Author:	StylerDen
ASL Info:	29/Male/Malaysia
Elite Ratio:	2.98 - 38/59/51
Words:	51

Class/Type:	Poetry/Mirror or Mask
Total Views:	1178
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	381

Description:
Fake water pond, deceiving isnt it?
Look beyond the flesh, and you'll find what it really means.

Mirage

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Forever and ever,
Waves of ocean dawn,
Dry ground brings forth mirage,

If ever we wonder,
Appearance foregone,
Dress like flowers corsage,

I do not remember,
Our love become lost,
When did it turned barrage,

Now I sit in sunder,
Reminded what's not,
My heart been torn apart.

Submitted on 2007-05-06 02:45:36 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Nice syncronicity... My band has been working on a song since last October, and I was thinking about naming it Sunder... not a word you see to often.

It was recently a Dictionary.com word of the day, did you steal it from that? Just kidding.

In the second stanza I'd put "Dress like A flowers corsage" to match the amount of syllabulls of the first line, and there's some confusing tense lines around and about, but nothing I'd change completley.

It's a good poem I'd say, but it doesn't feel personal to me... I don't know... Keep it up, I look forward to reading the rest of your stuff.
| Posted on 2007-05-07 00:00:00 | by NoMartyr | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.