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    dots Submission Name: Waiting to Livedots

    Author: redeemer
    ASL Info:    19/female/venus
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 85/93/58
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 633
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1233


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    dotsWaiting to Livedots

    Waiting for you
    I am waiting to live
    Waiting around
    I've got nothing left
    Not to repeat but here I wait
    Sitting on the start line
    Yet standing at the end
    Can't move
    Can't stand still
    Wound so tight I think I will burst
    Waiting for you to let something happen
    Just release me from this
    Just let go
    But you won't
    I keep waiting to live
    Waiting to be me again
    I've let you take everything
    My life, my love, my ability to function
    You've left me feeling useless
    I'm just here, barely
    Not really much at all anymore
    You've taken it all the way
    Slowly chipped away my life,
    After a lifetime of pain without love
    But how can I live...move on...as you put it...
    If you won't let me go...
    Riddle me that...and I'll do it...
    Waiting to live is just not worth living for...
    Why should I wait to have something that's mine...
    What makes me think you have the right to take it away from me?
    Honestly, I know you don't but I will just sit here...of course...and wait to live...

    Submitted on 2007-05-06 21:27:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "I've let you take everything
    My life, my love, my ability to function
    You've left me feeling useless"

    That part is awesome. It really speaks to me . I might have to agree with considering stanzas for this but with this kind of write I guess it could go either way but it kind of seems run on in one stanza but yea I'll stop now because I'm starting to ramble about nothing. love you!!!

    | Posted on 2007-05-07 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah yes the old "lost love" poem. It's written quite well. I can tell that there is some feeling to it. Perhaps a bit of truth? Mheh. I don't believe in love. I believe that any attraction or bond towards another person is completely selfish and lustful or in hopes of gaining something (material or not). Other than my beliefs, i find your poem to be quite funny. It makes good sense. It reminds me of a time that i believed in love and allowed someone to take everything from me. My only real advice on it is to separate it into stanzas. I feel that it would give the poem a bit more strength. It seems a bit disorganized and like more of a rant. That's about all i can think of. Good day.
    | Posted on 2007-05-06 00:00:00 | by Shiboo-sama | [ Reply to This ]

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