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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Summer Snowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Imadjinn
    ASL Info:    17/M/Neverwhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 340/348/146
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 690
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1127



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSummer Snowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    t's been so hot
    I can't recall
    How the olive leaves would fall

    The year old coat
    is on the chair
    I might as well just
    leave it there

    'cause you'll go around today
    Like summer snow
    just when I expect you the least
    But I need you the most

    And then you'll melt away
    Before I can
    hold you like a tiny snowflake
    in my hand

    The cityscape is yellow haze
    And it hasn't rained in days

    The year old coat
    is on the chair
    I might as well just
    leave it there

    Because you'll come around today
    like summer snow
    just when I expect you the least
    but I need you the most

    then you'll melt away
    before I can
    hold you like a tiny snowflake
    in my hand

    you'll come around someday
    like summer snow
    just when I expect you the least
    but I need you the most

    like summer snow
    like summer snow




    Submitted on 2007-05-06 22:48:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is really really good. It's bittersweet. I like the line:

    "just when I expect you the least
    But I need you the most"

    Because I think it is so true about everyone. Everyone knows one person who they don't think of as necessary, but then realize later that they do. Very good!

    -ange-
    | Posted on 2007-05-10 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, I like this poem but there are some things that I'd love to help you with. Since you only requested "thoughts" I will not list any of those things (let me know if you would like a critique). Over all the concept of theme was very well portrayed. The general feel and meter of the poem had a few rough spots, but it added a lot.
    | Posted on 2007-05-07 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, This is very pretty and sweet. The genuine feeling it gives off is something that I've always wanted to portray. It took me to read it a few times to fully grasp the meaning.

    The coat line is so beautiful. Like a hope that what you wish for will happen. Almost like a resolution that you are not wrong that what you long for will appear.

    The city scape line was beautifully descriptive but it almost left me wanting for more description through out the rest of the piece. After that there are no orignal lines, just repeats.

    I love the poem but as always I would love expansion. The repeated lines gave it the realness but if you had more lines it would compliment the piece more.

    Otherwise I was very moved and happy to discover this!

    Indelible_ink
    | Posted on 2007-05-06 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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