Description: i have another * for those who have read about my other relationships over the years* guy friend. who i have done better with. there is the whole "i like you." "i like you too" thing put out there. he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me becaues he believe that if we where the relationship would be short term, and he would find himself unhappy in it and end up hurting me trying to get out of it. but he wants to stay flerty, crushy and cute like we are now. i dont want to. even though i would rather play the roll of "waiting for it" then simple walking away.
i think its time for me to protect myself, even if it mean being the one to hurt myself to do it.
i feel like i am going to loose my heart again.
i strugle so much to hold on even though you are sliping though me and leting go.
i feel as if i should trun away, instead of strugling any longer. that way i wont go down with this ship.
instead creating myself a raft to float while i heal.
i can for see the night in which you predict. the night where i will lay broken in bed crying not understanding your unhappyness and why the end has come.
part of my soul would reather tast its bitterness then to simple say i never tried anyway.
as much as it sadens my heart, i think i need to start winning myself off of you.
i want to love you. i do not want these series of peoms mirr the rest i have writen. i will break my own heart and bleed out these bitter tears so you will not be given the chance to later.
since your so afraid that is what you will do.
this hurts. but i guess its for the best.
Just a little note for myself from now to then.
I always try so hard not to loose my heart to anyone. Instead of just letting go of that control.
Now, I am letting go. I wanted one or the other extream. Either to be in love and be happy. Or to be alone and content.
I hate the midle ground. The midle ground is what give us that rush. the excitement of not knowing and the fear to never open up.
my goal is to try and let go of the control. if i like someone, what the hell i like them.
It's simple and not an "I was going for that" kind of simple. You're describing the territory of your emotions, instead of using the emotions to create something different. The map is not the territory. Remember that, I think it's the most important rule in poetry. Don't write a poem strictly about the way you feel, but write a poem... the WAY you feel... get it? Don't describe THAT you feel a way or WHY you feel a way, use that territory and create an effective map. You're on the right track, don't give up.